Judge — March 30, 1895 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sudge HE BEAT THE RECORD. HEN the report got around that a youthful tenderfoot had come, to Deadman’s Gulch with the avowed inten- tion of starting a saloon a committee of the best citizens called upon him. Lead-Tooth Bill, chairman of the committee, opened proceedings by remarking, “Say, young feller, do you think you kin handle pisen fer a poperlation like this? What's yer record? Have you killed yer man yet?” “Well,” replied the tenderfoot, smil- ing, “I think I may say that 1” “We don’t want to know what you think you may say,” interrupted the chair- man. “We want to know if you're fit to ‘sociate with gentlemen like us. ‘There is not one in this crowd who has not downed his man. There's Connors, he killed three; Bill Dawson stiffened out five, Buck Sands has nine to his credit, and I have fourteen Photo. by B. J. Fath. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MISS TYREE AS THOMASINE 1 “THE AMAZONS.” A boy, fair Thomasine, you act Most cleverly, and that’s a fact — a boy like you the mannish dress 1S YOUr sweet gitlishiness. FROM A TEACHER'S DIARY. REVIEW IN PHYSIOLOGY. Teacher —" Describe the human skin.” Answer (by big boy)—" It is composed of two layers; the inner, or true skin, and the out- er, or calf skin.” PHYSICAL GEOGRAPHY, Teacher —* What is a volcan Answer —" A mountain that pours out smoke, ashes and saliva.” A FAIR DECEIVER. Lord Pere America)—" I val Howard (on his first visit to n delighted to hear, Miss Bacon, that Chicago prides itself upon its high- toned society—so well bred and well read, don’t you know ?* Aléss Bacon (jovely as an eastern dream)— “Why, certainly, my lord; you just bet your TALES OF A TRAVELER. boots we're a cultured crowd ‘round heah !" ‘A narrow escape. PALLIATION, Pat—" Moi woife do be hovin’ th’ divil's own timpor, burt Oi'll soy this fer her, sha 's not jilous loike other wimmin,” A NEW LEASE OF LIFE, DAsWawWay —“‘ Aren't you spruced up a good deal, uncle?” Uxcie Esony —‘*Yes, sah. Mah wife has done got wo'k.” notches on my stick, and each notch means busi- ness, too, Now, young feller, what have you done to show your fitness fer citizenship in this m'nicipality 2” “Let me see,” answered the tenderfoot with a reminiscent smile. “If the last one died in the hospital after I left the city, and I feel sure she did, my record for four months was just ninety eight — twenty-one men, thirty-two women and forty-five children. I am still in doubt about one man, so I don’t count "— A roar of incredulity went up from the com- mittee. “What do you mean?” shouted the chair- man, “Are you tryin’ to guy the citizens of ” * Not so, [assure you,” replied the tender- foot, looking surprised. “I was giving you my actual record. You see, during those four months I was a motorman on a Brooklyn trolley car, and "— ough! We believe you,” cried the committee in chorus; and they carried the ten- derfoot in triumph through the town. comicbooks.com