Judge — March 23, 1895 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE OFFICE-BOY OF THE NEAR FUTURE. Johnny Uptodate (who has called at the Fifteenth national bank in answer to an ad- vertisement for an office-boy) —“I guess you're Spuds, eh?” President Spuds (shyly) —" 1 am.” Johnny Uptodate (rolling a cigarette)— “ Well, I am thinkin’ of takin’ that place you advertised. What's your references ?” President Spuds—"\ have good refer- ences from the last two boys who were here. If you will excuse me one minute I will get them.” Johnny Uptodate (stamping his foot im- patiently)— Why hain’t you got them here? Do you want to keep me waitin’ a couple o° lifetimes? You want to hurry up, Spuds.” President Spuds (who has returned within ten seconds)—“ Here they are. I hope they will satisfy you,” Johnny Uptodate (lighting his cigarette) —" We'll see about that. Ab, what does Eddy Hogan say? 1 know him. Eddy says, “1 was associated with Mr. George Spuds, banker, for six weeks and Ican recommend him in some respects. He is obedient, grate- ful, and seldom complains. We parted, not on account of any misconduct on his part, but be- cause we could not agree about me and the typewriter-girl go- ing to the matinée twice a week. Taken altogether, Spuds seems to be a well-meaning sort of man.” That's not bad. But you oughtn’t to kick about the mat- inge. If I take this place you will have to"—— President Spuds (hastily) — “All right. I won't object. I was wrong, I confess.” Johnny Uptodate —"' Bet- cherlife you were. Is the type- writer pretty 2” President Spuds—* \—be- lieve—so * Joknny Uptodate—“You believe so? Don't you know? Well, I'll drop in and take a look at her this afternoon. In the meantime I'll look up these ref- erences, and if I find they're all right and the typewriter is tomy taste I will take your propersi- tion under consideration.” SOMETHING THAT ALWAYS KEEPS LENT, ‘A TRANSFORMATION. ‘The copper on our block before and after we engaged an Irish cook. WALKING DELEGATE—'' What we want right here an’ now is er—— HARD LUCK. SiLverstEIN—‘Ach! I'm sorry fur Isaacstein. Shust got his leg cut off mit a trolley-car.” Siversteix—‘Ach! bud t'ink ohf der damatches, Isaac; t'ink ohf der damatches !" SILVERSTEIN—"*Rachel, do I loog like a fool? Der poor slob had a vooden leg.” TAKING THEM BY WHOLESALE. &&[)O YOU intend to marry again ?” said Mr. River- side of New York to Mr. de Cree of Chicago, “Of course,” replied Mr. de Cree, “There are two ceremo- nies still unpunched in the com- mutation marriage ticket 1 bought of the Rev. Dr. Thirdly.” SLIGHT MISTAKE. Young lady (at dinner, to deaf old gentleman) —“ Do you like bananas >” Olid gentleman—" What did you say?" Young lady (shouting, with all general conversation stopped that guests might listen) —" 1 said, do you like bananas Old gentleman —" No, my dear, I don’t like pajamas ; the old-fashioned night-shirt is good enough for me.” HE GOT IT. —strike I"