Judge — February 23, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Suage MR. GOLDGRABBER’S COMPLAINT. S8 YAH! Dod’s de vay id goes! Only tell my vife she’s goot-loogin’, und she'll gif you everyd'ing she’s godt,” said Mr. Goldgrabber to the friendly cop the other morning, as he stood rubbing his eyes in front of his store. “A feller come into my store the odder day und say to my ; ; vife, ‘Good-morning, young lady; could I see Ls Aeepentonys Ape yeti your mudder?" und she say she vas Mrs. Gold- “She's got to die in agony dire ; grabber. ‘Ach !" he say, ‘I alvays tod you vas Bat how? Oh, how? Ob, how? old Goldgrabber's daughter, you loog so young She must die of something grewsome like, . Me ‘With her lover's hot tears raining— und handsome;’ und den he say, ‘Dis is your Ihave it!" he cried, ‘*T'll buy her a byke sister, ain'd id?” Und my vife say no; dod vas And kill her from overtraining.” her daughter, Rachel. Ach! he say, ‘I tod you vas twin sisters;’ und den be say, ‘Oh, phad a peautiful - loogin’ crayon pordraid * you und your daughter vould maig! Sugh shabes, sugh eyes, sugh silgy hair, sugh Grecian noses und sugh handsome mouds!" Und phad do you t'ink? My vile gif dod feller twendy-fife dollars for a crayon pordraid mid a frame. I vish you could see dod pigdure; you could fall ofer id. Ach! I vish I vas a Turk und could shud dod voman ub mid a bag ofer her head for ten years!" And Mr. Goldgrabber looked thoughtfully at the new saloon across the way, took a dime out of his pocket and looked thoughtfully at that, and then went quickly inside his store to get out of temptation. A CLOSE ACQUAINTANCE, Tom—" There goes Chauncey Depe' Jerry—" Yes; 1 know him intimately—by sight.” A SERIOUS MATTER OF BUSINESS. Mn. SoLpEwaue (despondently)—"*Ach, Rachel! Do you gonsider suicide a sin?” Mrs. SoLDeNnaum — How mudge are you insured for, Isaac?” RULES FOR AMATEUR. PERFORMANCES. ALL harsh language shall be confined to the exclusive use of the stage-manager. The perforniers are expected to supply their costumes and their luncheons and buy their admission tickets and be satisfied with everything that goes on. If the prima-donna’s part is cut she shall express the greatest happiness and present each member of the chorus with a box of candy. If the soubrette’s best song is eliminated she shall consent to marry the manager after the close of the engagement. If the hero is refused the centre of the stage for less than four-fifths of the HE CHANGED HIS MIND. time he shall send bouquets to the members of the committee. pe SeerummnerAL’ Sion (easing) — 1 Ser Wi And finally, if the receipts are not up to the expectations of the patronesses "*¥ep. an’ do nothin’ but play on a golden harp. PracticaL PERKINS —" Did you ever play on a harp?” the performers shall promptly and cheerfully make up the deficiency. SENTIMENTAL SIMON —"* No.” PRACTICAL PeRkixs—"* I tought not ; it’s blame hard work.” ie, I'd like ter go to HOW SHE MADE HIM PROPOSE, Sst Elem fda solm _ —which had the desired effect. Chappie was so bashful that he always sat at the ex- treme edge— comicbooks.com