Judge — February 23, 1895 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GRAN’MA’S VALENTINE, UK grandmother had a valentine. He wasn't pretty as yours or mine, He wore knee-breeches of velvet fine And his hair was awful long ; His coat-collar peaked way up be- hind. His linen was that nice ruffled kind, You ought to see how his shoe- buckles shined, And his vest’ was all buttoned wrong I don't know where he was photo- graphed. And when I ast’ ‘em they only laughed. But he looks as if he was caught in a draught And stood and slowly froze. Our grandmother she may think me rude— I suppose in them times he was quite a dude— Bot to me he's a chump, however viewed, And I jest despise his clothes. Our grandmother showed how he used to bow, And she would courtesy, she showed me how, ‘And then they would dance—she can do it now— Well, say, it would make you smile ! For they jest moved ‘round and shook their clothes, Like the taunty figures the organ- man shows. It wasn't like waltzing, the good- ness knows, Nor polking, within a mile. T supposed she shook him, he was so slow, As much asa hundred years ago, And that made her an old maid, you know. And then how they laughed at me! For that young fellow so stiff an’ tall He wasn't no valentine after all, Hut jest my grandfather,clothes an’ all— I can’t help it as I can see. MUNNIR, AGED HIGHT VRARS POP CORN. Cook —" Oi don’t see how yiz childther can inj'y yersilves atin’ thim bhurstid banes! It's chew'n’ an chew'n’ all the toime ye are; an’ whin ye've done ye've noth'n’ in yer mout’s; but ye've crumbs in yer tayth for thray wakes AT DELMONICO’S. Alberta—"\ believe you call yourself an advanced woman, dear?” Alethea—" Yes, lov Alberta (sweetly) —" Then you may tip the waiter, dear.” a Mrs. Fare Frowexy Fre.p: ment ina ladies’ magaz A SILENT RAPTURE. “* Strange. strange ! that the patient in the background should look so happy.” “*No, it is not strange that he should look pleased. is the husband of the lady in the chair, and it has just dawned upon him that his will not be able to utter a word for at least five minutes.” CROWDED OUT. Didn't you ever work ?” "Yes, indeed, mum ; I uster edit de mother's depart. e, but lately dey've gone an hired an old maid ter do it.” He is not a patient, SUI GENERIS. THE story of GeorgeWashington, It is so hard to match it ‘That we are forced to fall back on The cherry-tree and hatchet. DISLIKED EGOTISM. Bagley—"1 want you to meet my friend Featherly, the playwright Bailey — “Thanks, but 1 never care to know these suc- cessful author: Bagley —* But, my dear fel- low, not one of his plays has ever been produced.” Batley —" Then 1 shall be pleased to meet the gentleman.” BEFORE THE WAR. Mrs. Madderyet —" Dear me! How stout Iam growing! Have you noticed, hubby? My cheek and neck just lay in folds.” Hubby —* Haven't paid much attention to the folds in your neck lately, but I notice your cheek increases.”* THE FAKE PRODIGY. Frienp—" What on earth is the matter?” MANAGER (of dime-museum)—* Matter? Why, the boy musical prodigy has gone on the stage an’ forgotten to shave !” comicbooks.com