Judge, 1895-02-09 · page 7 of 16
Judge — February 9, 1895 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical vignettes mocking late-19th/early-20th-century social conventions: **"The Long Note"** ridicules a German-accented fiddler's wife who refuses social obligations, suggesting immigrant pretension. **"A Revised Edition"** is the page's main satire: a progressive "New Woman" advocates for female independence, education, and rights—then abandons all principles upon marriage, contentedly making pies and managing household budgets. This mocks the hypocrisy of feminist rhetoric that evaporates when women marry, suggesting women's "true nature" is domestic. **Other brief comedic sketches** include wordplay about large dinner bells, marital proposals, and social etiquette violations (a woman not "calling" on a neighbor after seeing her house smoking). **"Not So Bad, After All"** sarcastically suggests even a Japanese military conquest of Asia would be preferable to enduring contemporary "new-women" theatrical plays—mocking both militarism and women's liberation movements simultaneously. The overall tone reflects conservative anxiety about changing gender roles and women's independence movements of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Sage THE LONG NOTE. HER PROPRIETIES. RS. MCSTINGER made a hasty second marriage to a fiddler, She was asked to grace a party at which he was to play and indignantly replied, “ Me tance, und mein Chimmy only six weeks tead?” TO BE SURE! Neighbor —* What a very large dinner bell, Mrs Smith!” it is large; but then 1 have a large family.” A REVISED EDITION. THERE was once a maid of prog- ress, full of A NARROW ESCAPE. culture most Apranam—" Did yo" git enny pullet las’ night, Mose?” Mose: refined, and the. soul of her ambition was to elevate her kind: She bemoaned her narrow sisters of the straight domestic cut for allowing love “to drive them in the matri- monial rut inging slum- ber-songs for babies? What a shameful waste,” she said, “when they ought to raise their voices for their modern rights instead! What an awful lot of talent thrown away in daring socks! What a vast amount of genius sewed in seams of useless frocks! They should scorn the drudging trifles that absorb so much of life; keep the heart and spirit far above the range of kitchen strife; grasp the higher education, win an independent claim; cleanse the laws and aid the nation should be ev'ry woman's aim.” But this charming maiden married, and it was a great $Y surprise how the cream of her ambition was absorbed in ~4 making pies; and the voice that rang for progress, libertyand _h right hummed a pleading tune to baby in the middle of the ~>* night; while the brain that was so busy building castles in the air scanned the butcher's and the baker's bills with close, 5 attentive care, and the feet that trod the lecture-stage in dainty gaiters clad ran the treadle of a new machine that stitch- ed for lass and lad. Yet the strangest point presented in ; that charming woman's case was the fitness and content with which she dropped into her place; and she changed her text to preaching that a womain’s ‘proper sphere lies in doing daily duties well and filling home with cheer. kine Teatne nyanow. AN. IRRESISTIBLE PROPOSITION. se] VANTS to ged mare riet, vater,” said young Guggenheimer to his father. ou vants to ged mar- riet? replied the old gentle- man in surprise.“ Vot for? Tole me dot qvestion.” “Vell, vater, I heard a dot maria; His USUAL BRAND. SURPRISE, i Hojack—" | want a cigar . would like to buy adog. My — jd I want it bad.” husband has heen saying for a long time that he wanted one, Teta a and I will get one asa pleasant surprise for him when he re- ‘omdik —“ That is the turns.” kind you usually smoke.” * Nope; but T come mighty nigh it—I'got er bullet.” NOT SO BAD, AFTER ALL. 66 HINK a moment! Suppose Japan should take charge of China and drill the four lundred millions of its population into a great modern army equipped with every appliance of warfare ?” “Well?” “And suppose they were to sweep over Asia, defeat Russia, overwhelm Europe, and "“— “Let them come, I say; let them come! They may put a stop to these ‘new-women” plays.” PUNCTILIOUS, Wife —“ Oh, John, as 1 came in just now I saw smoke pouring out of Mrs. de Lancey’s front window: And not a soul seemed aroused !" Husband—" Well, did you ring the bell and tell them what was wrong ? Wife —" Of course not. I don't owe her a call.” OUTSIDE THE BAKERY. First family man —" Why, Jones! do you carry home your own purchases ?” Thatidoesn’t seem very well- bred.” Second family man—"\t isn't; it’s loafer bred.”