Judge — February 9, 1895 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sage THE LONG NOTE. HER PROPRIETIES. RS. MCSTINGER made a hasty second marriage to a fiddler, She was asked to grace a party at which he was to play and indignantly replied, “ Me tance, und mein Chimmy only six weeks tead?” TO BE SURE! Neighbor —* What a very large dinner bell, Mrs Smith!” it is large; but then 1 have a large family.” A REVISED EDITION. THERE was once a maid of prog- ress, full of A NARROW ESCAPE. culture most Apranam—" Did yo" git enny pullet las’ night, Mose?” Mose: refined, and the. soul of her ambition was to elevate her kind: She bemoaned her narrow sisters of the straight domestic cut for allowing love “to drive them in the matri- monial rut inging slum- ber-songs for babies? What a shameful waste,” she said, “when they ought to raise their voices for their modern rights instead! What an awful lot of talent thrown away in daring socks! What a vast amount of genius sewed in seams of useless frocks! They should scorn the drudging trifles that absorb so much of life; keep the heart and spirit far above the range of kitchen strife; grasp the higher education, win an independent claim; cleanse the laws and aid the nation should be ev'ry woman's aim.” But this charming maiden married, and it was a great $Y surprise how the cream of her ambition was absorbed in ~4 making pies; and the voice that rang for progress, libertyand _h right hummed a pleading tune to baby in the middle of the ~>* night; while the brain that was so busy building castles in the air scanned the butcher's and the baker's bills with close, 5 attentive care, and the feet that trod the lecture-stage in dainty gaiters clad ran the treadle of a new machine that stitch- ed for lass and lad. Yet the strangest point presented in ; that charming woman's case was the fitness and content with which she dropped into her place; and she changed her text to preaching that a womain’s ‘proper sphere lies in doing daily duties well and filling home with cheer. kine Teatne nyanow. AN. IRRESISTIBLE PROPOSITION. se] VANTS to ged mare riet, vater,” said young Guggenheimer to his father. ou vants to ged mar- riet? replied the old gentle- man in surprise.“ Vot for? Tole me dot qvestion.” “Vell, vater, I heard a dot maria; His USUAL BRAND. SURPRISE, i Hojack—" | want a cigar . would like to buy adog. My — jd I want it bad.” husband has heen saying for a long time that he wanted one, Teta a and I will get one asa pleasant surprise for him when he re- ‘omdik —“ That is the turns.” kind you usually smoke.” * Nope; but T come mighty nigh it—I'got er bullet.” NOT SO BAD, AFTER ALL. 66 HINK a moment! Suppose Japan should take charge of China and drill the four lundred millions of its population into a great modern army equipped with every appliance of warfare ?” “Well?” “And suppose they were to sweep over Asia, defeat Russia, overwhelm Europe, and "“— “Let them come, I say; let them come! They may put a stop to these ‘new-women” plays.” PUNCTILIOUS, Wife —“ Oh, John, as 1 came in just now I saw smoke pouring out of Mrs. de Lancey’s front window: And not a soul seemed aroused !" Husband—" Well, did you ring the bell and tell them what was wrong ? Wife —" Of course not. I don't owe her a call.” OUTSIDE THE BAKERY. First family man —" Why, Jones! do you carry home your own purchases ?” Thatidoesn’t seem very well- bred.” Second family man—"\t isn't; it’s loafer bred.”