Judge, 1895-01-12 · page 3 of 16
Judge — January 12, 1895 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis This page from *Judge* contains several unrelated satirical pieces typical of the magazine's format: **"My Best Girl"** celebrates a wealthy man's affection for his girlfriend, praising her as "loving, kind and gentle" despite her lack of musical or sporting talents—satirizing how wealthy men valued wives primarily for domestic virtue and appearance rather than accomplishments. **"Fooling the Kids"** depicts two horsemen observing children skating on thin ice near a "DANGER" sign. The caption presents a cynical exchange: a citizen expresses concern, while the pond owner dismisses the danger, claiming children think the ice is safe. This satirizes callous property owners who prioritized profit over child safety, a genuine public hazard of the era. The other brief sketches mock pretension and social absurdities of the period.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE'S FAVORITES. LILLIAN RUSSELL IN ‘' QUEEN OF BRILLIANTS.” Fair duchess and diva, they please me right well, hose plaudits each night of your triumphs that tell, If once shey were lessened, the fault was. I ween, ‘That the brilliants were not half so bright as their queen, Your beauty has rivals; your singing has, too— But for both charms combined none are in it with you A WOMAN'S IDEA. Dentist —“ Madam, you will have to have some bridge-work in your mouth.” Patient —“ All right, doctor — suspension or canta- lever 2” COMPARING NOTES. SSVVHAT was your answer when young Higbie asked you to marry him ?” “Why do you want to know 2” “Because he asked me last night and I want to let him down with something different.” Crrizen (excitedly)}—"* Good heavens ! OWNER OF POND Suage MY BEST GIRL. OTS of maids are proud if wealthy —may be sickly, lean or stealthy. My sweet girl is plump and healthy— quite superior to pelf. Some are much attached to boating, flirting, shooting —even voting ! Mine sincerely loves her doting sweetheart, otherwise myself. Girls there be who play the cymbal, races, mandolin, or tymbal. My girl's nimble with the thimble, yet she’s all the world to me. There are others highly mental and a many transcendental — mine is loving, kind and gentle, as a vis- ion fair to see. Not upon a Newport basis is the faith true love embraces. Mutual trust our fondness graces—lasting, growing throughout life. Years of effort (more than twenty) yield us now a modest plenty— ofttimes dolce far niente. All these years she’s been my wife. cKoRce Moss. wn HE BRACED RIGHT UP. Bonsy — Mr. Softly ; she’s up-stairs rehearsing.” Mx. SOFTLY (who Aas come prepared )—"* W-what is s-she rehearsing, B-Bobby Bosny—"* I don't know, just; but she’s standing in front of the mirror and blushing and saying, "Oh, Mr. Softly—er—this is so sudden !"" A LULLABY FAILURE. 8 *MIY MAMMA ’'s gone away, And papa's come to stay, Like her to sing his girlie into sleep—sleep—sleep ; T'll quickly make believe I slumber, and deceive, For then the noise he'll stop and silence keep—keep—keep.” A DIFFERENT SPECIES. Mullen —" Phwat was you an’ Clancy talkin’ about a whoile ago, Tim?” Glynn —" Oi was jist tellin’ Clancy thot I didn't belong to the A. p. a., an’ he said, ‘ Thot's roight; yez be- longs to the a-p-e." Now, phwat did he mane?” FOOLING THE KIDS. See those children skating around that danger sign.” - ee. s That's all right. ‘The ice there is perfectly safe. They think it's dangerous and stay on it, ‘The thin ice is at the other end of the pond, comicbooks.com