Judge — January 5, 1895 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

age The farmers said they'd shoot him ef he came out their way A prophesyin’ showers when they tried to cure their hay An’ the ladies in the churches, with a lawn-féte advertised, Told him ef he said a single word his life was jeopardized. One by one his friends forsook him, an’ the ones who spoke were few. _ Among ‘em was the ass who asked ** Is this hot enough for you?” Or chaps who got off Noah's joke, ‘*It's a fine day for the race, An’ sold him toy barometers with a man’s an’ woman's face. Some justice is poetical an’ brings poetic fate, An’ he went off a-visitin’ in some New England state Fixed up for zero weather, but a sunstroke killed him dead, An’ he came home in a casket with cracked ice around his head. A. T. WORDEN, ABOUT THE SAME THING. Manager (to stock-boy with impediment in his speech)—"Are these boxes of mourning- shawls?” OUR WEATHER PROPHET. Se those are just weilings.” H E WAS allus studyin’ the clouds an’ winds re an’ moon an’ weather a \ As ef he had the job tew hold the universe osm . o sata 0p & THE PATENT HOOPSKIRT. ris, tnt the serala be) would aay. 1 Can be opened to suit the style— Or when he went tew bed at night, I guess it’s goin’ tew blow.” : A REQUEST. He had the breast-bone of a goose an’ latest . = UN SRY Se Sele a DOUE iS ——— fully. milt an’ a fourteen- “What is it?” responded the ‘ oo worried business man rather shortly. A sextant an’ a compass, almanacs a full / CE pee ; ply: I wish you could rearrange sup} : f se An’ ef any weather got away he'd know the . i \ Qa. a3 your business a little bit. reason why. x A % ) “How?” When the young folks had a picnic he would : “So as to be a bear on the prophesy a rain, eens, @ wv. + JB) stock-exchange instead of at An’ the way it allus came tew pass would give Ee : yep home.” ‘a man a pain, : : ! Ef they organized a sleighride he would : WOES see Sat Pawan cei @uhialthaw ives ae 2 \ eke [F.LOVE be blind you may rely, men, For boat-rides he had sudden winds tew catch There's no eve-opener like Hymen. “em in a flaw. But stiddy, pleasant weather—that would al- most drive him crazy. He'd groan an’ say ‘twas smoky an’ the hills was lookin’ hazy ; —and closed to fit the occasion. It was jest a weather-breeder an’ was loadin’ up the sky With a cyclone that would curl your hair an’ sie ies unter ays A DANGEROUS WOMAN. _ SOYVHAT did the phrenologist say when he examined you. bumps?" “He said that my wife had a very well-developed muscle.” ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. Bobby—" Why doesn’t the clock : - strike thirteen, pa?” JUDGE'S PHOTOGRAPHS. Pa—" Because, Bobby, it hasn't ,,Ticture of the woman who can do her nse shopping in the morning and be home in the face to do it. time for lunch, CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE. IRATE MERCHANT—"'T thooght you said this safe was burglar-proof.” AceNt—"' Well, what more proof do you want of burglars than that?” THE LYRE-BIRD AND THE MONK. A musicale in the jungle,