Judge — December 8, 1894 — page 39: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A DIALOGUE IN OLE VIRGINNY. OMPEY HOPKINS and Pete Jackson met on the snowy, muddy, badly-cut-up Virginia road. It was two days before Christmas. Both darkeys ched and mended wher- gs were susceptible of that process. Pompey carried a bunch of firecrackers in one hand and a piece of salt pork in the other. “Good = mawnin’, Mistah Jackson,” he said with unctuous politeness, “Which way yo" gine?" “T'm inchin’ ‘long home,” said Pete with eq "Dem fiah - crac dah?” * Dat's whad dey Pompey. ‘Ain’ yo" got none?” “ Nuh,’ suavity, IS yo" got THE NEXT BEST THING. ENGINEER (examining applicant), were running ona high trestle in a fog and should suddenly just ahead, what would you do?” Nt (religiousts)—"* Oi'd cross mesilf."” id Pete pompous * Now if you “We doan’ use none at Krismus no mo’ ‘cuz mah wife doan’ like ‘em. She say dey ‘splodes wid toe much infatidity fur de kinstriction ob PAT TO THE RE! Pat—* Don't move fer yure loife, Moike! Towly saints, what a shnake !— —nail ‘im !" her years.” If Pompey didn’t under- stand exactly he was too proud to expose his curiosi “Dat so?”*he said dryly. Pete saw he had made an impression. *Yacas," he said ; “ Mis- sis Jackson she doan’ like ‘em fur nothin’, She say dey’s toe incombodjus fur her. Wa-al, good-mawnin’, Mis- tah Hopkins; I'll be gittin’ ‘long home. ‘The men parted and went on their opposite ways. 1 was near, and Pompey knew I had heard the con- versation, “Dat Pete Jackson,” he said to me in a tone of with ering contempt, " he ain't got no genwine eddicashun. ‘Cuz he bin tendin’ de stove in de skule-house dis wintah he tink he know sumpin’; but he doan’, He jes’ tryin’ to ‘pose on mah collodious, dats all Ae doin’, He turned and looked scornfully at the retreating figure of Pete. “Humph !" he said, and walked off down the road. * A PRECAUTION. IIEN you give presents recollect— It may to your advantage prove— Before you send them don't neglect The tell-tale price-marks to remove, ANTHONY, BEWARE. Jimson—" know a man who ought to be arrested for having in his house a large collection of obscene litera- ture.” Stimson—" Who is he?” Jimson—Anthony Comstock.” Juone—"* Yessir’ Hiram — 29 UNFAIR. THE women now are so. pre- ferred It is becoming quite absurd Of Christmas Eve so much is heard— Of Christmas Adam not a word. CONFIRMED. Merritt—" When 1 called at your house to-day your wife was busy ripping up one of her crazy-quilts.” Cobzvigger —" 1 had my suspicions that she intended making me some neckties for Christmas. ed been around tor his daily ese yet, Jimmie?” No, sir." Well, he'll be along soon, Get me a bar of Mornin’, Mr. Salter, Thought om the post-office. Looks li ‘es, Help yourself, Ii, ea nice cheese.” comicbooks.com