Judge — December 1, 1894 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN EXPERT, TES Hony Perr—‘ Blamed if dey ain't sicked de dog on me — THE SINCEREST FLATTERY. HE Calaveras Browns took unto themselves a house and a Chinaman as general servant at one and the saine time. All three people were so new to housekeeping that complications of both international and do- “MAKING A STUMP SPEECH.” mestic character ensued. Chu was much interested in his mistress’s cu- linary performances and copied faithfully with extra regard for all orna- mental additions. His original efforts, moreover, in artistic embellishment struck deep awe in the hearts of the Calaveras Browns. Trees grew in burnt outlines on the tops of puddings, and the fresh sardines arrived in front of young Brown built like small “ edging" houses with the sliced lemons inside for inhabitants. At the time game was rather more poultry, which is indeed always a lux Pacific coast, and the occasi n of snipe gave Chu keen delight. To fix the small bird on toast, twisting the head around until the bill pointed tiful than. y on the nal prepar: —Cum along, you siwash, an’ — a ——I'll see if T-can't fix yer wid dat litle — heavenward, was as great a joy as the occasion on which Mrs. Brown told him to put a mari- gold or so among the parsley garnish, At. Thanksgiving time the Browns, unable to afford a tur- key, thought they might rise to a chicken, and it was duly bought and brought home girt in the pink tissue paper the butchers affect as extreme art. Chu smiled beatifically at this evi- dence of the increased prosperity of the Brown family, and was so overflowing with suggestions as to the rest of the dinner that young Brown thought he might ask a wretched bachelor or two to share the fowl. ksgiving night arrived. So did the bachelors. So, later, did tne chicken, but in such a guise as the Calaveras Browns had wot not of, Next day Mrs. Brown tearfully narrated the story of its appearance : “Ie was our first dinner and the guests were, I knew, used to.decent service; one, in fact, was a Philadelphis ally dreading the chicken, and well I might have been. Chu, acting on the reminiscent suggestions of the snipe and the marigolds, had, without my knowledge. prepared artistic environments for the chicken, and when he brought it in— oh, if you had seen i “The platter was covered with late flowers—asters and geraniums, amid which, horribly like a dead baby, reposed the chicken on huge p of toast with its poor wrung neck twisted up under its wing and propped up, with its bill poking out feebly and one glazed eye as sadly, “+ Did you know you had chicken for dinner ?""* A DESIRABLE RELATION. Ned (gayly)—" My great uncle has died leaving me a cool five hun- dred thousand dollars.” Fred (earnestly) —" Weil, he a: — overhang swing Princeton gymnasium.” T learnt in de Twas espe agreat uncle! NO RARITY, is the man (?) who finds so much humor upon seeing some unfortunate slip and severely injure himself on the pavement— —and who, when stepping on a tack at home, unmercifully larrups his son with a wire hair-brush because he has detected him with the semblance of a smile on his countenance. comicbooks.com