Judge — November 24, 1894 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE UNCLE SAM’S SCHOOL. YAS. 1 admit thar’s been of late considerable shootin’, Which follered burnin’ cars an‘ tanks an’ stealin’ things an’ lootin’ _ Yew see, my bovs are gittin hig an’ feelin’ proud as thunder, An’ that ole hickory switch of mine it fails tew keep “em under. Of course thar's got to be a boss or things will go tew ruin, An’ some one's got tew keep the books an’ tally what we're doin’. All days ain't independence day, an’ cirkiss days are funny ; But some one ’s got tew hump thar back tew ‘cumulate the money. This nation “s been a hundred years a sort of crystalizin’, An’ when the boys ketch on a snag no wonder it's surprisin’. ‘They've been a-playin’ school so long they didn’t know their peril ‘Till they was on the master’s knee an’ warmed up with the ferule. Yew know the big boys used tew boast that they could lick the master, But mostly when they tried it on it ended in disaster A sort of socialists they were, or anarchists unwittin’, Who found their trousers rather warm, especially when sittin’, Ya-as, I've been buyin’ armories an’ uniforms an’ rifles An’ Gatlin’ guns an’ ‘lectric lights an’ other leetle trifles ; YON'T BE DECEIVED A SECOND TIM An’ school will call each day at nine, an’ when the bell rings, hustle ; me a loan ohf von hundert tollars, mine frendt.” Hang up yer hat, wipe off yer feet, or look out fer a tussle. paid you der lasd loan.”" This lynchin’ coons at recess or burnin’ cars 2 Moses—"* Yes, dot's true. You deceived me vonce.” of mornin’s Ain't business, an’ we tell yew squar’ yew better heed the warnin’s, q ; UNEXPECTED PRAISE. We're here. tew stay, we ruther think; we're 4 SS YVHAT do you call these?” said the emancipated woman to her husband __,through experimentin’. 2 y at the tea-table, : Wee eee nt ee fi Ulafe:”) “They are biscuits, dear,” replied the husband timidly. “1 made them i. = very carefully and hoped you would like them.” “Like them? I should say I do like them, They are better biscuits than my father used to make.” OF PRACTICAL BENEFIT. oe HAT has become of Ww Brown? The last time I saw him he had water on the brain,” “He's at the head of a reservoir company now.” GEOGRAPHICAL, Husband— England is in a pretty state of excitement A LIVING ILLUSTRATION, cover this war.” THE TEACHER—" Willie Watson, go to the blackboard and de- Wife—"Yes; she isn't scribe to the class a semi-curve ” i f Witte WaTsoN—" Wot's ther use, teacher, when they can see . “mistress of herself though Tkey Hammerstein's legs China fall THE JUDGE GIVES THANKS HAT his wife is not a reformer. That his philosophy is easily understood. That his digestive powers are not abated. That some of his prayers of last year were not answered. That his mania for reforms is always of the mild and harmless sort. That his ambitions can be adapted to either a long- or short-range shot. That one need not join a church to be on speaking terms with the Deity. ‘That his three several ventures in the lottery were disastrous and salutary failures. ‘That his accretions are not great enough to mar his enjoyment of a good bargain, That he is enough like other men to live among them without too much discomfiture to cither. That the Thanksgiving dinner passes with- out family dissensions, political discussions, or subsequent qualms, That in addition to his own cares he was not burdened with a hereditary crown which but for the mercy of God might have been thrust AS HE FELT. upon him Jones as a freshman and as a senior of Harvard. comicbooks cer