Judge — September 29, 1894 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE VALUE OF LABELS IN ART. THE statues of Lincoln park in North Chicago came down off their pedestals the other night to stretch legs, sit down and have alittle indignation-meeting. The fat lady who wears a Mother Hubbard and stands up in the Columbian exposition grounds to pose as the statue of the republic canie over to have the last word. “I don’t represent any one,” said the fat lady, “Do you know, there has never yet been a statue erected to a woman in the history of the world? Statues are erect- Alll the female jgures merely person- ate something, such as liberty, love or justice.” “Women ought to be thankful,’ Schiller. hey might be to make up a poetic face BLEW HIMSELF UP. ed only to men. fig carved AS REGARDS A WIFE. SS HAVE you carefully considered all that I have said, my boy ?” asked the old gentleman the day after he had given his son a little fatherly advice. “Yes, father,” replied the young man meekly. “You are getting near the age at which a young man naturally begins to look around for a wife, and don’t want you to make a mistake.” Til try not to, father.” No butterflies of fashion, my boy, but a girl of some solid worth ; one who has some practical accom- plishments,” “Yes, father.” “ Never mind the piano-playing and Delsarte les- sons; never mind the dancing and the small-talk. When you find a girl who can cook, my boy, it will be time to think of marrying When you find a girl who can make up her own bed, knows how to set the table without forgetting something, is able to put up the pre- serves, and, above all, is good at sewing, go in and win her, my boy, and you will have my blessing. “I have resolved, father, to seek such a wife as you describe,” said the young man with determination. “I see the folly of seck- ing a wife in society. 1 will go to an intelligence-office this after- noon and see if I can find one that will answer. And then I'll have mother call on her, and —and "“—— * Young man, I'll break your neck in about a minute!" “But you said "— “Never mind what | said. of decayed vegetables,” mu poor Indian. Just then all ef yez don’ Suiting a are erected in America, began clubbing George Washington. Ou dign on y T've changed my mind.” UNFAIR. Tommy— “Boo-hoo-00- 00!" - Mamma — : “What's the matter, Tommy ?” Tomriy—* Tessie’s got more measles than Vhad.” + % JUDGMENTS:. THE dying have dry eyes. A miss is as good as a male. Write your love-letters on a slate. * A poor excuse is worse than none. Necessity is the mother of pre- vention, It is easy to forgive your ene- mies if they are stronger than you. Red is a danger-signal on a railroad, a man’s and woman's. hair. Depravity in men and women would be about equal if women bad the force. nose a A ROUGH REMINDER. He said that he wanted to milk the cow once, just to remind him of the time when he was a boy on the farm. MADELINE oRvIs, they never assumed in life.” "Or to ride a horse that couldn't walk if alive,” echoed Grant: “Or wear a grandiloquent at:itude that statesmen never attempt for fear “And me, wil tell who yez all are widout the signs ?” A CHATTER-BOX. armured George Washington. “Just look at me, posing for ‘ Peace!” remarked Lo, the hout my growler and pipe,” roared Goethe, an Irish policeman walked into the group. “ Howly ped. “Look at the Dootchman down aff his "wid the fadther of his coontry. I'll: bate yez "t clare out.” ction to word, the Irishman, to whom no statues t wid ye, Wolfgang von Goethe! I know ye for a sourkrout-ating Dootchman.” “But Tam Washington, sir,” said the statue in- antly * Howly shnakes !" gasped the officer. “ Thin git er pidistals, all of yez. How kin an ‘onest’ mah wat, M. paLLou. FROM WHEEL TO :WOE, AS BACHELOR a bieyele Was Bunsby's choicest sport ; but later, When wed, his only wheeling fell To pushing a perambulator, comicbooks.com