Judge, 1894-09-22 · page 7 of 16
Judge — September 22, 1894 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humor pieces typical of Judge's satirical style: **"Quite Correct"**: A joke mocking nouveau-riche consumerism—a wife buys three identical nine-dollar gongs on sale, justifying the wasteful purchase by claiming she needs "one for each meal." **"Testimonial"**: A fake advertisement parody for "Spudd's Sarsaparilla" (a patent medicine). The testimonial hilariously contradicts itself—the product supposedly made the woman feel "new" yet caused hair loss, insomnia, digestive problems, and nervous collapse. This satirizes the absurd health claims made by real patent medicines of the era. **"In Kentucky"**: Rural dialect humor where a preacher's sermon claims all whisky is reserved for the righteous in heaven—a joke about frontier religiosity and drinking culture. **"Masterful Avoidance of Trouble"** and **"A Bunch of Fresh Beats"**: Baseball-themed cartoons with dialect humor, likely satirizing baseball management and African American players (using period racial caricatures and stereotypes). The page reflects early 20th-century upper-class satirical targets: consumer excess, medical quackery, and rural/racial stereotyping.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE QUITE CORRECT. Mrs. Youngwife—" You know those lovely nine-dollar dining- room gongs we saw the other day? Well, to-day they were- marked down to six dollars and seventy-five cents, so 1 got three.” Her husband—" Heavens and earth | what did you get three for?” Mrs, Youngwife (sweetly) —" Why, one for each meal, of course.” TESTIMONIAL. FTER taking three bottles. of Spudd’s sarsaparilla: I felt so much like a new woman that: I was” counted twice in the census of Chi- cago. ° I took it regular, and anything else in plain sight. 1 had that tired feeling always when in sight of work, Iwas at one’ time so that I could not sleep without snoring,- and nothing would sit on my stomach but the night- mare. My complexion was bad, and my hair came out in handfuls in the last. row I-had with, the cook. > My friends all gave me up to die with alac- rity. I was confined closely to in-door life for three months. by the-advice of + the justice of the peace. Since I have been: out my circulation has improved. I haven't counted the-beats. Letters inclosing stamps will receive attention, «You bet. ATW, CAPTAIN-OF AFRICAN GIANTS (sorathfull spile yoright heah.” + = MR2SI satchah gvan'——= MPSON—"* Well, dat i$ Geo'ge Djxor IN, KENTUCKY. “* Thet war er powerful fetchin® sarmon ther deacon preached at ther camp-meetin’ yesterday.” ** What did he say?" ‘ “He said thet sinners needn't ‘spect ter find any.whisky in hell ; it war all reserved fer the righteous above.” A BUNCH OF FRESH BEATS. HER POWER. HE tamed the haughty and the proud, But gave new courage to humility ; ‘This lustrous maiden was endowed And crowned with irresistibility. The flowers at her coming rose, While nature bowed as her adorer ; And lowly, at the day's soft close, ‘The sun himself went down before her. COMPARATIVE, Singer —" Yes, my friend is a member of the St. Barbara surpliced choir.” Sanger—‘Is he a soloist ?” Singer— No, only a solo-er.” We heahs yo’ am managah ob a nine dat y9'am‘blowin’ can do ouah team. > Now, sah, name yo' men, or we'll hah i Godfrey, fast base -Petah Jac}on,-who am in de nex’ room an* will corrob'rate mah statements, am —olly ! dat war de name dat caught dem cons; but I wo'd went {roo de whole list ob champeen colahed boxahs ‘fo’ I'd let dem spile me, Shuah !” comicbooks.com