Judge, 1894-09-15 · page 5 of 16
Judge — September 15, 1894 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humorous sketches satirizing rural/small-town American life circa early 1900s. **"Duly Recorded"** mocks a naive groom who doesn't know marriage licenses must be registered. A drummer (traveling salesman) tricks him into leaving his bride to obtain a permit, then flees when the angry groom returns, having learned he was duped. **"Not Up in Tennis"** jokes about rural parents' confusion over modern sports equipment—a father reluctantly pays for his son's tennis racket, grumbling it's expensive compared to his youth. **"An Unexpected Hail-Stone"** features a farmer who boasted his size was larger than York's famous hailstone; the drummer apparently made a record of this claim, prompting the furious farmer to chase him. **"A Lightning Change"** appears a brief romantic sketch about sudden emotional shifts. The satire targets rural naiveté, generational gaps regarding modern conveniences, and the traveling salesman as a figure of deception—common Judge themes mocking unsophisticated provincial Americans.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE DULY RECORDED. HE drummer saw them coming up the street in Canajoharie and hesitating in front of the Wag- ner. The young man had on white kids which made his hands look like a bunch of sweet potatoes. His white tie proclaimed him from the house-tops and he had a marriage-certiticate under his arm. The bride was dressed in blue serge trimmed evi- ¥- dently with obsolete lace-curtains, a “Ab,” said the drummer, “allow me to con- gratulate you.” The young couple blushed. “I suppose you have been up to Fonda to have it recorded in the county clerk's office?” remarked the drummer, 4 “Why. no; I didn’t know I had ter,” remarked the groom. “Ya-as; new law. But if you are in a hurry you might go down to Roser's, town clerk, and get a permit,” volunteered the drummer. We wus goin’ out on a West Shore train—but say, Malvina; you stay right here an’ I'll fix it in five minutes.” And the groom took a rac- ing gait down street. NOT UP IN TENNIS. Mrs. Homesteap (from the letter)—"* Wa-al, I swanny! ef Hiram don’t wanter hev us send him two dollars fer a tennis racket. Naow this is goin’ too fer alto” — Mr. Homestean (interrupting) —"* Send it along, Mariar. boys, an’ they might 's well go through th’ mill fust as last. ef I kin kick on the ter git full on lager.” Boys ‘Il be (Aside.) Durned Tt use’ ter cost me over four dollars, when I wuz his age, AN UNEXPECTED HAIL-STONE. Farmex BUNKERS (reading inscription) —“One life, hay! Wa-al, ef 1 hed hold o' th’ scallywag thet p'inted me aout thet statter ez th’ biggest hail- stun in York fer a quarter he'd regret he'd ever hed er life ter give er thet he'd ever bin hatched er tall.” Quite a crowd stood on the hotel piazza and took an interest in the scene. “Thar he comes,” said Malvina, And he was coming. He had jammed the marriage-certificate into a coat-pocket and was rapidly divesting his hands of those kids. When one hand was clear he spat into it and then pulled his hat down on his head and buttoned his coat. The drummer took one look and then flew around the corner so rapidly that his coat-tails blew off a boy's hat. “Whar is he?” panted the young groom. “I want ter make a record on him. 1 want ter stamp him an’ post-mark him an’ sign him, b’gosh !” The West Shore train blew its whistle and they too vanished around the corner, the bride dropping her banana and a paper of ginger-snaps as they ran, The drummer came down street whistling softly, but his neck- tie was over one shoulder and he looked warm. ALT. we A LIGHTNING CHANGE, He—" Oh, those sparkling black eyes flirting with me! I— comicbooks.com