Judge, 1894-09-08 · page 4 of 16
Judge — September 8, 1894 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page 148: Satirical Commentary on Marriage and Social Foibles This page collects brief satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's humor: **"Judge's Advice"** mocks marriage by suggesting unmarried men simply say "Don't!" to avoid the institution's supposed inevitable miseries. **"A Place Misnamed"** jokes that heaven can't actually exist since there are hardly any men there—implying women dominate the afterlife, a dig at gender relations. **"Unexpected Result"** plays on a barber's mishap: a customer complains a fan doesn't generate enough wind for the price; the barber threatens to make it work properly by using it to blow away the customer's remaining hair. **"Couldn't Do Both at Once"** satirizes a bald man's insecurity and his wife's mercenary pragmatism: she reassures him love isn't about hair ("capillary attraction"), but immediately reveals she needs him to wear a hat all summer to manage household duties in their New Jersey cottage. **"In It Too"** ridicules an annoying "yes-man" who echoes everything, even claiming he's engaged to the same woman—then admitting he actually is. The remaining pieces are brief visual gags about everyday absurdities.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
148 JUDGE'S ADVICE. To THOSE about to marry I'd give one sage advice— To Tom or Dick or Harry. “Tis one that will suffice All wedded ills to parry, E’en where experience won't— ‘To those about to marry ‘d simply murmur “* Don’t!” A PLACE MISNAMED. Miss Giddey—" Talmage says there are hardly any men in heaven.” Miss Fypp —"Then how did it come to be named heaven?" UNEXPECTED RESULT. Mr. OLDENBALD (customer) —"* They don't make enough wind for the price, however.” Cuerk—"' A’ mistake, Mr, Oldenbald ; when properly handled it'll blow the —— IT MIGHT BE IN THE AIR. No, nothing terrible has hap- pened to her; it's only Mrs, New- mamma, who has caught sight of the Brown baby, who has the whooping-cough. "The Brown ba- by isthree blocks off, but still — A SURPRISE * Well, well ! de ole lady must be housecleanin® an’ fergot to take in dis feather-bed. on it. “It looks nice an'—~ Let's lay down —hair off your head !"" COULDN’T DO BOTH AT ONCE, HE WAS bald-headed, and she had been’ fanning him for the last half-hour to keep the flies off. All at once he thought he detected an expression of fatigue on her pale, patrician face. A cold tremor shook his frame. “You do not despise me,” he said, “because I lost my hair so young ?” “How absurd, John!" she exclaimed with mingled hauteur and affection. “Love is not a - capillary attraction. I was reflecting that, if we took a cottage in New Jer- sey as you pro- pose, I would not be able to attend to my household duties properly or satisfactorily un- less you wore your hat all summer.” IN IT TOO, Dodd—* That Chumley is a regu- lar echo.” Judd —" How is that?” Dodd —* Why, to everything I assert he says, ‘Me too.’ I related some of my most thrilling adventures, and even invented some, but it was no use; he always came out with that everlasting ‘me too.’ At length 1 spoke of being betrothed to May Highfligh, and he instantly and coolly responded, ‘ Me too,’ ” Judd —" You told him he lied, of course?” ‘Dodd —" No; unfortunately, in this instance he told the truth.” THOSE LARGE STRAW HATS. Picture of Freddie and his girl sitting upon the beach, taken from the seventh story of our hotel. TO HIM. —Blamed if it ain't nothin’ but a mortar-bed dat de bricklayers left, An’ dis is me best an’ only suit of clo’¢s,” —solt !— comicbooks.com