Judge — August 4, 1894 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

68 SOME PAIR’O'DOXIES BY DE REV. MOAKLEY MCKOON. SPRANGE dat de hard times makes a soft snap foh de tramps. Strange dat a blue Monday follers de Sunday night dat you painted a beautiful magenta red. Strange dat dey calls us de “children ob Ham" an’ yet wonders dat we are hypnotized so plantaneously by a smoke- house. range what de debble does wid good intentions now. Hades must er been paved clear ter de city limits years ago. Strange dat in a chu’ch ob de poorest arkoostics de hull congregashun kin tell de plunk ob a dollah frum de chink ob a nickel. Strange if de hull human race sprung frum Adam dat it wasn't a watermilyun dat, loss him his job. Strange dat so many ministers preach frum notes issued by de city banks. Strange dat de swill-pail advertisers decorate de trees an’ fences as if de face ob nature had eczemia an’ de buzzum ob de airth had a pa 1g somefin. THE LATEST FISH-STORY. JOHN GIMP of Chicago was an electrical engineer and, natu- rally, when he went fishing the other day he cast aside old-time methods and contrivances, such as baits and jugs, and took along batteries and jars. When Mr. Gimp got on the bass grounds he baited a fine copper wire with a translucent amber minnow, which, when lowered, he illuminated from a battery connecting. This sort of scientific bait seemed to create a commotion under water, where Mr. Gimp could see the minute electric light dart around and feel the fishes strike his wire as if a bat- Angered at last fish, he lowered a thirty-two-candle-power cent burner and turned on the light to ascertain what was going on in society below him, He was aston- ished to see innumerable fishes of all sizes fighting to get possession of the minnow. incandes- WM, tif, yy, i) AN ARDUOUS SPECIALTY. GuLtets (the ventriloguist)—"* Ladies and gentlemen, I have ready favored you with three encores of my phenomenal sawi i wood imita- (hoarsely)—"Anudder ongkore an’ yer GuLLers (the ventriloquist, continuing) —“* And must thank the applauding skeptics and say adyerr, as this is the hardest trial on the muscles known in ventriloquist (Bows out. Applause ) As soon as the wires slackened, giving the animal some freedom of action, one head reached over and pulled out the electric light while the other head disconnected the hook of the illuminated minnow. As the animal settled in the water with a sort of double laugh Mr. Gimp fainted. “THE PITY OF IT.” ‘O BE disappointed in love is sad, The fact surely none will disparage ; But it’s sad enough to make one mad ‘To be disappointed in marriage. A PROMISED REWARD. The battle paused a second at the introduction of the larger light, then suddenly the biggest fish darted at it and swallowed it, Atthe same instant a saurian of equal size swallowed the il- luminated minnow. Mr. Gimp made fast his lines to prevent escape of either fish and began to haul in. To his tonishment there was not that re- sistance of mad rushes usually made by game fishes. On the contrary, both wires pulled slow- ly as if a log were attached. When his prizes reached the surface of the water Mr. Gimp was so flabbergasted that he dropped the wires, He had capt- ured a lusus natura, a monster bass with two heads, one at each end, or possibly two fishes grown together at the tails. OBVIOUSLY. Sam —" Look .heah ! none ob your lip.” 1 doan’ want _ children, if you are good and obedient we'll go riding 7 ( Those children were good and obedient.) comicbooks.com