Judge, 1894-08-04 · page 3 of 16
Judge — August 4, 1894 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several standalone humorous sketches rather than unified political commentary. **"Cruel"** depicts a man and woman at the seaside; he promises her everything, but she demands he grow "twelve inches as a preliminary" before she'll consider marriage—a joke about physical inadequacy. **"Compromised"** presents a domestic dispute where a husband admits he and his wife settled their early married disagreements by compromising on household linens. **"Man Wanted"** shows a woman posting an employment notice, satirizing the difficulty of finding reliable help. **"It Was Not Necessary"** depicts a would-be burglar abandoning his plan when he realizes he can see inside the window without breaking in. These are primarily domestic and social comedy sketches typical of Judge's humor, lacking specific political references. The satire targets everyday marital tensions and servant-hiring frustrations common to middle-class readers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGMENTS. HE unexpected never hap- pens twice. The next century will take up women’s wrongs. Comparisons are odious except those in your favor. He who lives in the fear of death is already half dead, Women lie about their ages, men about their weight. It is impossible to count on what a jury or a giel will do. It aggravates us more to hear our enemies praised than to hear our friends maligned, MADELINE Ons SUBURBAN. Mr. Washington Heights (speaking over the garden fence)—“ Your plants look a little rocky, don’t they, Mr. Casey ?” Mr. Gabriel Casey =" 1 guess you'd look rocky if you'd been slugged before you fairly got out of bed.” CRUEL. Littte. Rocks—"' Only assure me you will be mine and I'll do anything, everything in the world for you !" Sue—"* Sure of it?" Litre Rocks (earnestiy)—'* Sure! sure !" SuE—" Well, grow about twelve inches as a sort of preliminary, and then I'll think about it.” COMPROMISED, Hopgood—"You and your wife seem to get along admirably, Truax. How do you manage it?” Truax —" Oh, we arranged that very carly in our married life. You sce, when we first went to house-keeping my wife wanted linen sheets and I wanted cotton; so we compromised and have kept our affairs on that basis ever since.” Hofgood—" | suppose you have one linen and one cotton, eh?” Truax —" No; we compromised by having linen sheets.” a on REMINISCENCES. Mr. Sounstein (the retired pawnbroker, who has purchased a beautiful fountain for his summer residence)—* Vy not? Dree palls vas better as von, ‘und pesides prings pack der memory of good old days,” TREATED ALL ALIKE. + S\VHY did she attach such a peculiar condition to the engagement?” Ob, she said that was one of her rules and she couldn't make z any exception in my case.” APPROPRIATE. AND what is a pneumatic tire? You asked me once before. It is the name that, without blame They now give to a bore. ON RIVERSIDE DRIVE. Effie—"Is that the Mary Powell, mamma?" Mamma —"Yes, my dar- Tne: OLp spinster —'' Were you going to pin that on me, you bad boy?" Picture of a woman who can keep a Effie —“ Are those little Bov—" No; I was going to put it in the window, Anybody can see what secret. boats her babies ?” you want without a sign.” comicbooks.com