Judge — July 21, 1894 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

42 THEY SETTLED THE RIGHT OF Way. OLONEL ALE tive results. warnings. place an COMPENSATION, DOG days I do not complain, The heat I do not mind ; I do not utter words profane, And am to all resigned. I try to be content and gay, My temper I control, And, oh, I chuckle at the way ‘They're freezing at the Pole! NATHAN a1, LEVY, ARGUMENT FOR THE ANTIS. Mrs. Grogan — Air yex in favor av woman-soofrange, Mrs. Daly?” Mrs. Daly —" Oi am not, Mrs. Grogan —* Phwoy ? Mrs. L in’ it do be bad enough for Moike to kim home afther \ the poles all day that toired thot he can’t see a hole ina laddher, widout me havin’ to toil in thot same way an’ wash for foorteen besoides.” RETRIBUTIVE JUSTICE. Frowery Firips—"t may not look it, boss, but I'm a foreign nobleman.” Farsex Reown —"* Wa-al, by gosh! You can have what you want, I'm glad ter see them blame nobility gittin’ down where they belong.” RESULT OF CREATIVE IMAGINATION, K SMART, U.S. A., while not a great inventor, has a creative imagination which he has applied to the ordinary affairs of Iife with remunera- Colonel Smart conceived the idea of introducing the phonograph into government fog-horns, by which ships many miles out at sea should be made to listen to official Colonel Smart recently induced the United States to ison phonograph in one of its largest steam- horns located on the pier outside the lake-front at Chicago, in order to enable vessels to more easily make port through the smoke which floats out from the city. The other day the good lumber-lugger Star, Captain JUDGE MUSINGS FROM THE MUG. DERE has blendy self-made men dot made a - blace for dhemselves—in Sing Sing. | Pretzel ent { Frankforter: St, Ty Kidd, was feeling its way to- ward that port. Captain Kidd had previously made the har- bor by the odor, color and density of the Chicago-river water, which sweeps out into the lake for miles. He had not heard of Cclonel Smart's adaptation of the phono- graph. Having entered the great black cloud which hides the city, Captain Kidd was exerting his olfactory organs to strike the trail when a dis- tant voice said in tones of “ Brodection vhas a crime.” Efidently dot means boleece brodection in New Yorick at feefty tollars a month, “ Who pays der tax?” Dot vhas no longer a conundebrum uf you geep a saloon in New Yorick undt der boleeces captain got onto you. Vhen.dhem pig actresses got married dhey pull off a pig wedding, undt dhen dey, ach, pull it off again, py golly! “It nefer rains but it pours.” Der Lexow committee investigates Tammany undt congress puts a pig tariff on diamonds all at once. Sometimes der vave dot wrecks a young man ish der vave off a handkerchief. I seen some beoples, dot elope dhemselves avay, go so far in two hours dot dhey can’t -get back in forty years. Ain'd dot so? It ain'd so much vhat you got as vhat you enchoy. Dot ish so mit measeles. Dhem senators at Washington got blendy faith undt put dheir drust in dher “sveet py- undt-py. thunder, “Keep off the grass!” “Hard starboard the helm!" roared the captain, “ They've seeded the Chicago river.” wittzast x. pattou: A PROPER R. ARMEYER, in ANSWER. M the view of the Evening Passenger (in MWorld, holds the opinion express)—" You that public office is a sugar are the most dis- obliging porter I ever encount- ered.” The porter— “Yass, sah; 1 knows dat. Dis ain't. no ‘com- modation train, sah.” trust. A LONG DRIVE. Mrs. Cobwigger —" You are sure you haven't forgotten anything, Henry?" Cobwvigger —“* Quite, my dear, As soon as the farmer said his house was only five minutes” walk from the station I telegraphed to have a carriage waiting for us.” comicbooks.com th