Judge — July 14, 1894 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THEIR ANNIVERSARY DINNER. Mrs. Goforth (as her hus- band enters) —"I'm dread- fully disappointed about din- ner to-day, John, I was go- ing to have it so very nice; but it seems as if everything has gone wrong.” Mr. Goforth (cheerfully) —“Never mind, my dear. This * flat’ business is new to us both, and I'm prepared sy to make allowances. If you only knew how I pity those fellows down town who have to go home to a boarding-house! What's for din. ner any way Mrs. Go JSorth —" Roast Mr. Goforth —*Smells a lit- tle like mutton; but that’s noth- VERY SMALL. How Mr, Newpapa felt when he took his hopeful out for the first time and met those bachelor friends of his. ing when a man is hungry; and I'm hungry as a whirlpool. What else ?” ‘orth —“1 was going to have green pease, but the grocer sent string-bean: to shell them, until I stopped her.” That's what you get for hiring a greenborn, But you would have her, you and Mr. Goforth know. What else? Mrs. Goforth —"\ made some very nice bouillon myself this morning, and set it out on the fire- escape, and the third floor's pot-plants fell down into it and broke that wedgwood tureen your Aunt Pamela gave us for a wedding- present. Then the janitor’s cat got on to the dumb-waiter and ate up our little- neck clams, and when Bridget spoke to him about it he was most impertinent; told her she had ‘no business to leave them there,’ and we'd ‘find our refrigera- tor in the inner hall.’ Just as if I didn’t know that! But we've no ice to-day, for the ice-man forgot us. Mr. Goforth — cash, more likely, as Mrs. Goforth —"Then the butcher never sent the meat, and Bridget wouldn't go for it; said she‘ was no messenger b’y,’ and I had to go after it twice myself. First time I wouldn't carry it home, for I knew it would make you so mad if you saw me. But I had to the second time, and I bought three nice boxes of berries; but there's only about five that are ripe. Bridget says the grocery-boy must have picked them over.” Mr. Goforth — How long has the lamb been cooking ?” Mrs. Goforth —" Nbout—half an hour." Mr. Goforth—* Pat on your bonnet, Emily, and we'll go out to a restaurant. any kind of meat a little under-done, but I can’t eat lamb while it's still frisking.” “WHERE TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE.” Sold our chunk for I don’t mind A VAGARY, One of the vagaries of fortune is to give a white man a job as 8 coabhearersand— —a negro a job in a flour-mill, 19 HOW THE PUP GOT EVEN. — Get yer breath, Tige, an’ when I come out we'll have another.: —Hlold on, Tige, till I git me bundle: No use runnin’ when you don’t have Mrs, Goforth —* A\\ right, Jon. I'll be ready in a minute ; but I guess I won't wear these flowers you've brought me. 1 hope you won't be cross, but they smell a little ‘muttony’ too.” " Mr. Goforth— even then, old lady. Comeon!" wabeune coma, Honors are FALSE teeth are convenient, no doubt ; When they ache you can take them out. comicbooks.com