Judge, 1894-06-30 · page 6 of 17
Judge — June 30, 1894 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short satirical pieces typical of late-19th/early-20th century Judge magazine humor: **"Progress"** mocks pessimism by suggesting Chicago newspapers claim civilization has "arrived"—satirizing Midwestern boosterism and newspaper exaggeration. **"How Artists Embarrass Artists"** jokes that a football team's enthusiastic reaction to a chariot-race recitation (likely from Ben-Hur, popular at the time) reveals their philistinism—their rowdy applause for dramatic spectacle reveals they're unsophisticated. **"A New Brand of Animal"** uses wordplay: modern sterilized milk for babies implies cows themselves were once unsterilized, suggesting progress in animal husbandry. **"Lasso Pete"** appears to be a Western character anecdote about managing horses. The remaining pieces satirize hypocrisy: **"A Timely Text"** mocks religious people who quote scripture while ignoring the suffering poor; **"Misfit Converts"** jokes about ill-fitting missionary shirts; **"The Public Not In It"** suggests theater companies fail quickly. The humor is genteel, moralistic satire typical of Judge's educated, middle-class audience.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
PROGRESS. SS YVHAT progress has civilization made within the past decade?” demanded the pessimist. “Well,” returned his listener, “I don’t know for certain, but the Chicago papers are claiming that it has arrived out there.” HOW ARTISTS EMBARRASS ARTISTS. 66 A T THE most thrilling part of the professor's recitation of the ‘ Chariot-race’ he was stop- ped for five minutes by a burst of applause.” “Strange behavior, surely.” “No. The foot-ball team was in the front row and it made their hair stand on end.” A NEW BRAND OF ANIMAL. Se THE doctor says I must get sterilized milk for the baby.” “I didn’t have sterilized milk when I was young.” “1 know, John; but probably they didn’t have steril- ized cows then,” Lasso Pure (just out of the west)—" Not much he don't, pardner, I got too much on ther other hos.” A TIMELY TEXT. **OLD Mr. Scruggs is such a lovely Christian—always has a quotation from seript- ure to fit every occasion.” “Yes, When I heard a little boy and girl on the street tell him they were starv- ing he said ‘Suffer, little children,’ and went on.” A DOUBTFUL COMPLIMENT. Lord de Void (to Miss Budd, whom he meets traveling on the continent)—"I thought once that all the pwetty Amerwican girls came abwoad, but when I went to New York I decided that they all stayed at home.” sonpin CRT TORT RT iia i hPa ily ill i | | MISFIT CONVERTS. Parson (monrnfully)—" Why do the heathen weep—oh, why do they weep?” BeotHek ABNER (rasped beyond endurance)—"* Wa-al, par- son, if the shirts my wife makes fer ‘em fits any like mine p'raps that's why.” THE PUBLIC NOT IN IT. ++ JASN'T «the consolidated comedy company’ the name of Buskin’s troupe?” “Yes, until it had been on the road three weeks, Now W's called * Buskin’s private theatricals." THE INEVITABLE, Plankington—" What color are you going to have your house painted 2" Witherby— My wife wants it painted white, but I favor “A BURNT CHILD," ETC. green.” “Lam afraid Henry is sick, He says he has no appetite and won't come Plankington—"\ see, So you are going to have it ¢ mph! Is this the first strawberry shortcake you've made him?” painted white. TU made one last week and he ate quite heartily of it.” comicbooks.com