Judge, 1894-06-30 · page 10 of 17
Judge — June 30, 1894 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humorous pieces typical of Judge's satirical style: **"The Retort Courteous"** presents a gender debate poem—a man claims women want little but men, while a woman (Eleanor Corbet) counters that women want much more for fulfilling lives. **"Obeying Instructions"** is a simple joke: a servant refuses to disturb his editor even when told the house is on fire, having been ordered not to interrupt. **"Deacon Smiff's Last Resource"** shows a man explaining to his wife why they must tolerate a neighbor who sleepwalks through their property—appears to be mild domestic satire. **"The Soft-Coal Famine"** references contemporary coal shortages, with tramps unable to sleep in yards lacking fuel. **"Still at It"** nostalgically contrasts theater's past (when managers had integrity) with its present degradation into farce. The remaining pieces are brief domestic jokes about umbrellas, courtship, and vaudeville performers. The page satirizes everyday American life—marriage frustrations, labor conditions, and entertainment industry decline—through short verse and anecdotes rather than explicit political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
416 THE RETORT DISCOUR- TEOUS. Man wants but little here below, ‘And gets it if he can; But woman asks for even less— ‘She only wants the man.—Juce. OUR honor sure ‘s mistaken quite; ‘We want far more than that, If woman's life held naught but man “Y would prove extremely flat. RLEANOR CORBET, OBEYING INSTRUCTIONS. anger —"Is the editor at home ?’ but he is rvant —" Yes, sit, engaged.” Stranger — Will you please tell him that his house is on fire?” Servant —" \mpossible! He gave strict orders that he was not to be disturbed.” THE ECONOMICAL WIFE PHILOPENA. | PLAYED philopene With Miss Dorothy Mecker— She, I thought. rather green So I played philopene ; But—I now draw the screen O’er my empty exchequer ! T played philopene With Miss Lorothy Mecker. ANNA St. WILLIAMS. HALF-WAY THERE. Mamma — “You'll soon catch up to Tommy Larkins, won't you, Johnnie?” Johnnie —“ Sh’d think 1 would! I can more 'n half lick him now.” A PARADOX. CAN'T see how the Boston maid ler reputation earns For coldness, when they all agree “Tis there that genius burns. | | SHE made herself lovely gown And thought it was so nice, She went and booght another DEACON SMIFF'S LAST RESOURCE. r ‘i i Deacon Suirr (to Mrs. Smiff}—"'1 know it’s mighty onpleasant, ‘Mandy Atal moet onoemces beter but you know Brer Jackson ’s moved inter de nex’ plot, an’ he walks in his sleep. PROPHECY. WHEN Iwas courting—ah, the happy times! “Sun of my life,” I called her in my rhymes. Now we are wed I find that she can be The sun that sometimes makes it hot for me. EFFECT OF THE SOFT-COAL FAMINE. First tramp —* What's the matter with sleeping in the coal-yard to-night ?” Second tramp—"Nou'se a fine one ter foller. They ain't bin no soft coal dere fer a week.” ‘ a NO CHOICE, 5 ++] JARIA.” called the old gentleman, “have you seen anything of my new umbrella?” * Y-yes, papa,” stammered Maria; *I—T lent it to Mr. Barlow last night—he promised to return it at once.” f “ He did, did he?” snorted the enraged parent. “ Well, STILL AT IT. that umbrella cost me ten dollars.” Time was, in days of the * leg “But Mr. Barlow ‘Il be sure to return it.at once—he In days when managers had souls, is going away in a day or two, so you're sure of getting With genius high he “held the boards” & pean e Ta melodrama’s leading 1Oles. Sure of getting it?” echoed her father, “and he go- —- ing away? Maria, my child, say good-bye to Mr. Barlow, AGREAY INVENTION Hut times have changed, and people t00; {he isn’t smart enough to know a good umbrella when oy —"+T say, dad! wg cermic farce they flack in hordes, he sees it I could never consent ta allow such a blockhead Dav—" Wh p Upon the sidewalks" holds the boards. in my house.” Boy —"" L wish you'd buy me a pair o' them bullet-proof pants."” ORLRY BD, STRVRKSAN A SUCCESSFUL “ DEAD-IIEAD.” SMACKINS (the knork-about comedian)—"* Jest SMACKINS—"* No, ner you eider, Dat bungstarter dhale done Oat doe” Bunt tc tex fen ck Bax-renpen (417) — “* Ves, but dis bung- is dead easy ter de barrel I gets swiped wid in me act, actors, an’ we simply ain't in it.” starter is! You ain't struck no jay. an’ Barney Smackins never stan’s off er strange bar-tend i widout wearin’ his padded See?" comicbooks.com