Judge, 1894-05-19 · page 5 of 16
Judge — May 19, 1894 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical cartoons from Judge magazine reflecting late 19th/early 20th-century anxieties: **"Premeditated Suicide"** mocks the era's germ-theory panic. The poem humorously argues that avoiding all potentially contaminated items (water, food, kisses, money, pencils) would make life impossible—so one might as well accept bacteria exist everywhere. **"Public Benefactors"** uses stereotypical Irish dialect to satirize wealthy philanthropists. A father advises his son that doing good means taking money "away from people"—cynically suggesting charity merely redistributes ill-gotten gains. **"Feminine After All"** jokes that a businesslike female typist undermines her professional wage-request with an excessive seven-page postscript, playing into period stereotypes about women's irrationality. **"The Cause of the Riot"** features Irish-dialect characters debating the republic's longevity with an absurd theological wager. **"Effect of Absent-Mindedness"** shows a man using his vaccination point (meant for inoculation) as a toothpick—physical comedy based on carelessness. These cartoons reflect contemporary social preoccupations: scientific progress, immigration, gender roles, and class anxiety.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
PREMEDITATED SUICIDE. ASK a glass of water or of claret or of beer ; 1 go to kiss a pretty maid; she turns away with fear. T eat some lemon-jelly that’s been standing on the sill, And they tell me all are loaded—that they're warranted to kill. T put a pencil to my lips; I gulp down pounds of air; I visit all the cattle at the Wayback county fair. 1 buy a paper of a boy and handle dollar bills, And they tell me every one of these has that on it which kills, T'm not much up in science, but I know a thing or two; I know that if I do not eat or drink or kiss a few Of those fashionable, dreaded germs I certainly will die, For I'd have to give up breathing to escape the bacilli. Bacteria, bacteria! I'm not afraid of you. ‘The world will roll around the sun for all that you can do: So on dollars and on papers and on kisses and on food Just hand me common bacilli—I'm not a science dude. And what's the use of living if you cannot eat or drink ; If pretty girls and dollar bills, and even printer's ink, And county fairs and pencils are only other terms. For the rapid-transit system of the scientific germs? CHARLES HULYOND RoNNSON, PUBLIC BENEFACTORS. Sasaty—"* Vas money der root obf all efil, fader?” Isaacsten —"* Yes, Sam ; so you must dry und do all de good you can in life by gedding it avay frum people." FEMININE AFTER ALL. THE typewriter wrote her employer a note— ‘Twas a six-line request for an increase of wages; And to set forth her value and business-like methods She added a postscript that filled seven pages. PROOF POSITIVE, Admiring mamma—'\ don't think you have quite caught the expression of Evangeline’s nose.” Artist —" Madam, Ra- phael couldn't do better than THE CAUSE OF THE RIOT. Faney—"' Oi'll bet yez tin darlers thot this republic won't lasht two hondrid years longer. a pee Casky—" Begobs! Oi'd take thot bet only fer wan thing.” Admiring mamma— A SAD FAREWELL. 2 Phwat's thot?” Vhy not? Jury Dootey—"* Farewell, Aruie Rooney. Cast:¥—"' Becase two hundrid years frum now Oi'll be in hivin an’ yez'll —a long farewell! I have ter go ter de next be in purgatory. an’ Oi'm blewed if Oi'd take th’ throuble t’ hunt yez up fer Artist—" Because,mad- lock wid dis message, an’ it may be weeks, a tin-darler bill.” am, Raphael is dead.” months—aye, even years—before I return,” EFFECT OF ABSENT-MINDEDNESS. Reading about the numerous cases of small-pox, Charles at once decides to purchase a vaccination: But later, in a fit of absent-mindedness, uses it point, which he does, and places the same carefully as a tooth-pick, in his vest-pocket. comicbooks!com