Judge — May 5, 1894 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

284 THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT. THE GOFORTHS’ NEW FL, Mrs. Goforth —“How are the rooms situated, dear ?”” Mr. Goforth—"\ told you that once! Rotterdam avenue, third door from "— Mrs. Goforth— \ don't mean that, John ; T mean the rooms themselves.” Mr. Goforth — Oh, well, there's a front room with an alcove ™ Mrs. Goforth —"* Back parlor 1 suppose you mean, dear.” Mr. Goforth—" {suppose so, Next was a bed-room—no, an air-s Mrs. Goforth air-shaft; all alo Mr. Goforth—* What's the reason it couldn't? Could be up the chimney, 1 suppose, but it was not It was be- tween the A LACK IN ED- UCATION. rooms,” [TWAS a Lusianian Mrs. don who, in a mo- Goforth— [inks —"* How is business, old man? Pretty good? ment of unwise daring, “What Jontors (the drummer)—" Oh, L can't kick.” threw a rose to a fair rooms ?"" American pa: the hois, I ‘The incident caus- ed the lady's husband to sue for a divorce, and the case appeared in a French court. The young aristo- crat shook the asper- a sion lightly from his ing in is, fad included it in his found of morning calls, The judge stared hard at the beau and vent to his disgust by remarking abruptly, * Well, | you have anything but the manner of a culprit.” “TL crave your honor's indulgence,” was the re- ply." for any departure from the usual appearances in |} this place. My father was a well-meaning man and gave me such instruction as he could afford. I was taught to speak French tolerably, to dance without awkwardness, and to be gallant to the ladies. But there was one thing that my father neglected to im- part to me, and that was ‘the manner of a culprit.’ And the case proceeded. AT THE SOCIABLE, Laura —"\ can't imagine what's the matter with poor little Mr Skimcne to-night. He hasn't stirred from his seat since he came in.” Hostess. Ob, Laura, don't refer to it; o awful!” Laura —"\s he really ill, IRONY OF FATE. then?* Dusty ReaGan—" Hully gee, Ike! what's de matter now?” Inner ant Ike (serapped in bandages}—* | probably have de hardest luck of any man livin’, Hadn't had a bite to eat fer four days when I was run over by a pie-wagon.” Hostess —"M?- No; 1 left my chewing-gum on the chair and forgot all about it.” Mr. Goforth — Why, ours and the man’s next door. Yes, and there was one between our bath-room and his too, Come to think of it, I guess it was the same shaft; for when I looked out of the window I saw the same old hat on the ground among the bottles.” Mrs. Goforth" Is there steam heat ?” Mr. Goforth —" Great Scott, woman! You don't want steam heat at this season of the year, do you?” Mrs, Goforth— No, no, John ; now don't get riled. Is there any private hall 2” Mr. Goforth —“ Yes,| suppose you might call it private; there's only two families on a floor.” Mrs. Goforth —" No, but | mean inside. In the flat.” Mr. Goforth —" Oh, Idon't know, I didn’t go beyond the dining-room ; and that's a mighty nice room, with a place for my combination * smoker's table and blacking - kit.” There was a very pleasant janitress showed me the flat, and she said she thought it would suit us and I said I thought so too, for we were awfully sick of boarding. So 1 paid her the five dollars deposit and you can go and see it yourself to- morrow, and if it don’t suit you we'll lose the five dollars and that's ail there \\ Mrs me wit! adverti | prease wants : Mrs dren guins, : thea, Suds wich say thi yer ho like de efferve: flavor. Washi Dor gestion don't food one ot * until ¢ with w sale b Deane | tons’ itching | ava BL Sam to), fo Touet comicbooks.com