Judge — April 7, 1894 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W, J. Ameen. nano GILLam: 1. M. Garcony, Editor. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. NITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE One copy, one year, or s2 numbers - $5.0 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 2:50 One copy. fori; weeks = = Las Including the Cwxistwas Juocs FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all for- ‘ign countries im the poital union, % @ year. THe JuDOE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JuDce BuiLpine) Cor, Fifth Ave, and 16th Street, New York EW Ie guarantee advertisers a larger circulation than any other American satire eal paper published. 's Lineany and Juoce’s Quartewty are all for sale 2 Smith, Ainslee & Co.,25 Newcastle itreet. Chancery Lane, E. C. the International ) jenera, Switeerland at Brentano’ Ler £¥- NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juvce are protected by copy: right in both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. A WORD to the wise is superfluous, *¢QUT, DAMNED SPOT! Aurphy, jr. E CANNOT congratulate Dau Coughlin until he manages to skip his conscience. MB: STEAD can do more advertising with less money than any other man in the world. EVERY LADY married by newspaper to Senator Hill is unavoidably a grass-widow. +S YVILL SOMEBODY wake the sen- ate?” asks the Rochester Herald Why. why! is the senate dead ? ills MAY BE posted over the doors + of the district court of Washington— “Who enters here leaves guns behind.” F IT 1S TRUE that Brother Ingalls will enter the ministry he will doubtless begin by smashing the ten command- ments, eee N GIRLS of Vassat have joined the salvation army, vut with all their education not one of them can play the tambourine, ROSEBERY says he.is a peer by birth and not by choice. ‘That is the only kind of peer that England needs or presently will tolerate. HE LITTLE PLAYS of Mr. Howells are very pretty, but they are like the people who adopt them for the drawing-room—they won't act. UDENTS of Cornell who killed a woman have been gently chided by the law; so that murder by students is merely misde- meanor. HE GOVERNMENT of Great Britain is respectfully informed that it had better wash its hands of Nicaragua, and get them mighty clean too. HE BREAD FUND of the HWor/d has distributed a million loaves, May the return of this wheat upon the waters be commensurately large if there has to be a new ocean to float it on. ELL, ye worms of earth!” exclaimed an Indiana man just us to committing suicide. ‘The remark was singularly inap- propriate, considering that he was just about to get acquainted with them. THE LADY MAYOR of a western town has learned that her husband didn’t vote for her. She says nothing, but it behooves that man to act with the utmost circumspection. There are some sins of omission that are not easily pardoned, as Brother Lease might remark. NOTHING TO GROWL OVER. THE MISTAKES OF COURAGE. OBENGULA was another Sitting Bull. He killed Major Wilson and his command as the Sioux killed Custer and his Jittle army. Not a man was spared in either case. . And thus the best rule of every kind of war- fare is again vindicated—* Never underrate the strength of your enemy.” A THREATENED CALAMITY. WE TRUST J.Ellen Foster will not succeed in her proposition to take a car-load of New England girls to Washington to influence legis lation, They might break into the senate and start a new discussion of the silver question, and if they did it would last a century beyond the judgment. DA GAMMON. D4 GAMA is a fine theoretical fighter, but when it became necessary to whip or get whipped he retired with a diplomatic rapidity worthy of much praise. While he hasn't covered himself with glory, he retains the hide necessary to its reception if it ever does come. Still, it would be better for his fame if he blew himself up with his own wind. MARCHING ON WASHINGTON. RANK COXEY, who, with a few lieutenants, wants to march on Wash- ington at the head of three million men, orders Secretary Lamont to get ready to furnish that vast army with rations, These experiments rarely turn out well General Lee tried to march on Washington at the head of a smaller army, and never got there; and Henry Watterson pro- posed to seat S. J. Tilden with the aid of a hundred thousand men, and achieved a total failure. HOW DR. CRONIN DIED. [7 HAS BEEN settled that nobody killed Dr. Cronin, It has taken several years anda great deal of money to establish this remarkable fact, but the law must take its time—and whatever else it can get its hands on And we are now to suppose that Dr. Cronin hit himself with a club, stabbed himself with a knife, and shot himself with a revolver. Having done that, he picked up his cadaver, walk- ed with it to a man-hole, thrust himself into the same, and did various uther things that a corpse never did before. We don’t see how he ever accomplished it. A POPULIST IDEA. THE POPULISTS of Kansas propose a theatrical company to go through the country and “depict the woes of the farmer and the laboring man.” Perhaps it wouldn't be quite safe. While the com- pany might escape the severer penalties and cabbages of cheap acting and poor plays, there would be no money in the enterprise, and there might be hunger. Perhaps, however, they can prevail upon the government to make up their losses, if not to oblige the public to patronize them; and if they could also get the president to act as advance agent and Judge Gresham to manage them their success would be magnificent. AN AMAZING BRUTE, [TIS CURIOUS that the wild and untamed circus tiger never kills any- body except in the early spring. The mild atmosphere of that season infuriates him, He lashes his tail in March, foams at the mouth in April, and kills his man as regularly as the May comes round, He likewise has peculiar diseases, and undergoes formidable surgical operations. Out west he has suffered from the artistic removal of his appenciditis, though previous to this year he never knew he had one; and not long ago he suffered from brain fever, the same being not remotely connected with spinal-meningitis. How amazingly his capabilities have been enlarged! THUS FAR, NO FURTHER. ZERELDA WRIGHT of Chicago was insulted on the street one night, and by way of retaliation pulled a pistol on the insulter and made him give her all the money he had. This suggested an easy way of get- ting money, and she got herself insulted by various men until she had accumulated a thousand dollars. Another woman of the same place and kind is Zella Nicolaus, who has made and lost a fortune. But, as we have frequently said, women are not fitted for these things. A woman burglar in a western town recently shot herself with her own weapon; Nicolaus cannot find a hotel wherein to rest her head; and Zerelda Wright had no sooner begun to get rich than she fell down stairs and broke her neck. comicbooks.com