Judge — March 10, 1894 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT ORMOND, FLORIDA, JUDGE FOR HER SAKE. + +FYOW flushed and feverish you look, Len. One might think you were going to have a fit of apoplexy.” “My health's all right, thank you. I'm only trying to break in a pair of suspenders that my wife bought for me at a bargain- counter.” GQUALOR—An Irish 1, Scapsy BILkiNs—‘t Wonder ef dere is any fish about here? I'll Pig. try me luck.— USURPATION. $s }JOW do you Tike your new mam- ma, little Roy?” asked an incautious visitor at the house of a newly- married widower. “I like my new mamma well enough,” replied Roy, tipping his head on one side to get an impartial view of the matter, “only she is al- ways sitting on papa’s lap and never gives me a chance.” SYMPATHETIC. First dude—" Going to see the animals, deah boy ? Second dude—" No, deah boy; can’t stand the effect on me nerves, Just imagine what the king of beasts must suffer, poor brute! when the trainer puts his head in his mouth, if he doesn’t happen to like hair-oil.” VERY OBLIGING. Irritable author —“ Joseph, 1 can't stand that piano in the next flat any longer. The woman ‘s been thumping on Are you quite sure the hall-door it since five a.m. is shut?” Joseph—* Quite sure, sit; but, if you like, I'll turn the key, NEITHER SAW NOR HEARD. $+) ID you see the snow-squall this afternoon 2” “No; I didn’t even hear it. | NOT FROM LIFE. Crarps—‘‘Say ! I wonders if de bloke wot exe- cooted dat dere sign ever seen one of us fellys,"” MONEY IN IT. Stubber —“ Come into this restaurant with me, old man, I've got the best waiter you ever Dashaway—" What are his especial qualifi- cations ?” Stubber —“ Well, 1 give him one dollar a week for putting the check on my friends’ plates.” NOT BUILT ALIKE. First actor—‘*See here, old man; you and I are good friends and all that, but I don't loan you these pants no more for the last act.”” SECOND AcToR—"* What's wrong?” First actor— ‘Wrong? You've had ‘em creased to fit your shape. Look at ‘em on me!” LEX TALIONIS. MY AUNT’’s been living, ob, so tong ! In fact I think she’s had her day. She never married—the world’s all wrong, Things don’t go in the old-time way. At this and that she shakes her head, T think her nerves are quite unstrung. There's not a day we don’t hear said, “ ‘They didn’t do that when I was young.” Our frocks are never made just right— This end too long and too short that ; The skirts are narrow, waists too tight, ‘And ** What a dreadful-looking hat !” She never married, that's the thing, And then her nerves are quite unstrung ; She always harps on that old string, “They didn’t do that when I was young.” To-day is Edith's wedding-day, And our old auntie must be told. We wondered all what she would say, So our fair Edith, strong and bold, Came, sat right down by auntie’s chair, Told her the news, then slipped her tongue (Bad thing) these words, ‘* Oh, auntie dear, They didn’t do that when you were young.” BETTIE GARLAND. POOR BOY! Professor Skaggs— “Do you do much reading, Mr. Budd?” Cholly —"* No—aw —twuth is, y’ knaw, I cawn't wead through me monocle at all, and I—aw—don't feel dwessed without it.” —S— 5. ——"' Hully smoke! but dat was a narrer escape.”