Judge — March 10, 1894 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE STRATEGY. HE minister who had difficulty in keeping his parish- ioners’ eyes fixed on him during the ser- mon solved the diffi- culty by placing a large clock directly behind him. HE KNEW. Mrs. Trotter (calling down)— “I'm nearly ready, Tom; only have to put my bonnet on.” Mr, Trotter — “All right, my dear. Tilrun around to the theatre and take in A REMUNERATED TEST. the first act. I'll be Mus. SHARPLY (suspiciously) —‘‘An unfortunate back by the time mind-reader out of an engagement and want ten cents, eh! What am I thinking now Jim Hickey (the tramp) you are thinking that T am lyin CONSISTENT. TO strictly keep the holy days The clergyman was bent, And on last Sunday even used A sermon that was Lent. THE ACTOR OF TO-DAY. Lawyer (to actor on the wit ness-stand) —“ Now tell the jury how you spent last Thursday. Please do not omit any incident of importance.” Actor—" Well, when I got up 1 took a couple of cocktails; then 1 took another cocktail and ate breakfast. I spent the morning talking to friends at Twenty-eighth . street and Broadway.” Lawyer—“ Now tell us what you did during the afternoon.” Actor (after much thinking)— “T really can't remember. I know I dined at six o'clock and went to the theatre afterward, but I don’t know how I put in the afternoon.” Lawyer —"Try to recollect ; try very hard now.” Actor (alter spending half an, 4 Mrs, Goopueart (in window)— i . jow happy those children are ; how hour in profound meditation)—“Ab, disinterested and innocent of all guile I have it! 1 married a girl last their love! I will drop a quarter to the Thursday afternoon. Sure!” dear little ones, How happy it will make them!" KEEPING HER PROMISE. * How is dis? A pail ob cinders an’ ashes. * ** Faix, whin I borrowed the loan av a pail av coal didn’t you're ready.” 1 say I'd return it to yez?—an’ here it is.” EMBLEMATIC, AN URCHIN with a puzzled look Unto his father said, “ Why is it, upon all the coins ‘They stamp a woman's head?" The father thought a moment, then He gave him this reply : “ My child, they say that money talks. T think that must be why.” NO TIME TO LOSE. Cleverton—" Miss Twilling re- jected me the other night, but she let me kiss her before we parted.” Dashaway (reflecting )— “1 guess I'll go around to-night and propose myself.” ANXIOUS TO OBLIGE. Anxious clubman —“ Doctor, please come just as quick as you can to Colonel Tom Timberlake. He's secing snakes.” Dr. Proctor—* My dear sir, 1 do not cure snake-bite; I take only surgical cases.” Anxious clubman—Oh, that'll be all right; by the time you get around to him I dare say Colonel Timberlake will have fallen out of bed and broken his neck.” Ww, L. RIORDON. AN OUTRAGEOUS ACT. WILD WESTERN AUCTION. Latra—" I'll never speak to that horrid Charley Bippus again.” “Now, gents, w'at's de word Para—" What's the matter, child ?” on dis piece of beef? I'm offered | —three times (bang !). Sold— Laura—"'I bet a pair of gloves with him on the fight, and look five-and-a-five-and—warning once! to Buckskin Jack.” what he has sent me!" twice !! and — comicbooks.com|