Judge — March 3, 1894 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MR. GOLDGRABBER ET AL. 64] VISH dere vas a saloon eagh side obf my shtore; den I mighd ged some bolice brotegshun,” said Mr. Goldgrabber to the friendly cop the “other morning as he munched a slice of black bread and looked up and down und pefore he geds to Madison shquare he drops all der shirts; bud dot tief he know too mudge to run py any saloons, und so he ged avay all righd, und ven I ged bag to der shtore I find dot feller mit der glasses had shtole two dozen fine neckties—fine ones! Ohf course dere ain'd half enough saloons around here. I vish dere vas one on efery corner, pecause vere dere is sa- loons dere you vill find bolicemens on dose beats. drug-shtore ofer dere, bud how ofden do you find a boliceman hangin’ round a drug-shtore? Nod mudge, I bed you.” But after a moment's hesitation Mr. Goldgrabber deigned to accept a cigar from the friendly cop, and after lighting it went inside with an injured air. _GOT TO BE SERIOUS. + (HOW ‘did you break your husband of the drink habit?” “ Well, John used to have terrible work find- ing the one key-hole in the front door.”” “Just like all the men.” “And when I threatened to have four more key-holes put in he sobered right down.” STRAIGHTENING IT OUT. Primus’ (to comparative stranger) —" Do you see that handsome lady over yonder?” Secundus—" Yes.” Primus—"1 held her hand for an hour last night.” Secundus— Sir, that is my wife.” Primus—* Oh—er—well, you see she mis- took me for some one else.” ¥ GOODS | & NOTIO —with phenomenal expertness succeeded in block- ing your every attempt to pass on either side? And did you not always see an opening and dash wildly at is just in time— JUDGE the street for stray customers. “A fine- loogin’ feller mit glasses comes inder shtore lasd nighd und say, ‘Oh, Mr. Goldgrabber! a fel- ler shust shtole six shirts oud ohf your show-case;’ und so I run oud, und dere vas der feller shust turnin’ der corner, und I yell ‘Shtop tief! bud dere vas no cops around pe- cause dere vas no saloons around; bud preddy quig I near cadge dot fel- ler myself, ven he drops a shirt und I shtop'to pig dot ub, und preddy quig he drops anuddet shirt und I pig dot ub, Ohf course dere vas der SOCIAL WONDERS. The young men have suddenly developed a great fondness for babies— while the pretty nurse-girl holds it. THE LITTLE OBSTKUCTIONIST, DRY Goons Did you ever try to get down town in a hurry when you did not meet a man who— GOODS | & NOTIONS —to knock him galley-west and — EVERYTHING AND NOTHING, WHEN Chloe weeps and you, to get at what ‘The matter is, with fond words coax and flatter And she sobs ‘* Nothing,” sorry is your lot. Then you may know that everything's the matter. AN OLD ACQUAINTANCE. Trotter—*Say, old man, do you know that pretty girl over yonder ?” Barlow—" Know her? 1 should say I did. I've proposed to her three times already.” LOTS OF WOMEN HAVE IT. Man—"If you will cure my wife I will give you five hundred dollars.” Sanitarium-manager— With what is your wife afflicted?” Man—" The sanitarium habit.” 30005 | & NOTIONS —teceive the profuse apologies and emphatic compliments on your masterly manceuvres in avoid- “ing a collision? comicbooks.com