Judge, 1894-02-10 · page 3 of 16
Judge — February 10, 1894 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical sketches and humorous anecdotes typical of Judge magazine's style. The main pieces include: **"Come Back, Professor"** - A poem mocking professorial absent-mindedness, suggesting a professor has wandered off and needs recalling. **"Pessimisms"** - A prose piece by Mary A. Scott critiquing false modesty and self-deprecation as social vices, arguing that excessive self-criticism is worse than honest pride. **"His Choice"** and **"His Patience Exhausted"** - Illustrated domestic comedy sketches showing marital or household dynamics, typical of period humor about relationships and domestic service. **"No Common Clay About It"** - Brief comic dialogue about a woman's pretensions. **"At Her Majesty's Opera"** - A society anecdote referencing aristocratic pretension. The page reflects early 20th-century middle-class anxieties about propriety, social status, and domestic life through gentle satire and humorous observations.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ee EE ** Laws, gracious! bere comes Mr. Jounsis two o' dem bicycles ; but I'll jes’ COME BACK, PROFESSOR GARNER. PROFESSOR dear, come back to here. ‘Tis not in Africa, Observing savage simians You'll learn what monkeys say ! We need you here, professor dear, Among your native scenes. The air is full of monkey-talk ; Come, tell us what it means. A MAN in Washington tried to jump down the smoke-stack of a locomo- tive. He wanted to die, but there is ALWAYS THE UNEXPECTED, ys A PRONOUNCED CASE, Mr. Thompson —"1 tell ye, dat Ed Flickers is a lazy nigger. Mr. Utica Jones —" \s dat so?" Mr. Thompson —" Yap. Why, he’s too lazy to shake when he's got de fever- “n-ager.” AT HER MAJESTY’S OPERA. London chaperon—* That fine-look- ing young lady in the opposite box is Lady Arabella Courtney, formerly Miss van Rensselaer Livingston Goldbug, the fa- mous New York heiress. You must have nothing impossible in the acrobatics of Mx. JouNsiN—"'I’s done smashed ‘em to-night, sho' ‘nough !" seen photographs of her beautiful country- this progressive period. PESSIMISMS. HE. man who really needs advice is the first to repulse it. Every one is anxious to help the man who doesn’t need it. Affected modesty is the most vicious form of self-consciousness. A house branded “ For sale” and a society belle are public property. A gushing and loquacious friend is much worse than a discreet enemy. The child's first longing is for maturity, the youth's for love, the man’s for prosperity ; the sage’s for death, Strange, that when a person has deep feelings he tries to hide them, but, possessing none, pretends that he has. It is easy enough to say that you wish your enemy no evil, but wait until something happens to him and see if you can help feeling glad. HIS CHOICE, Mrs. Bivg-stockincs— ‘* What are your favorite tales, colonel ?* Coronet Booze (of Kentucky)—"* Cocktails, madam.” seat, Whackup abbey, Shropshire.” American girl—“And who is that horrid little wretch by her side, who looks as if he had had erysipelas ever since he was born ?” Chaperon —“'Sh, my dear; not so loud, That is her husband, Lord Guy Courtney NO COMMON CLAY ABOUT IT. Policeman (discovering young mother tying an elaborate box covered with ribbons to lamp-post)—“An" phwat air yez doin’ there, mum Young mother—" Why, you see, sir, we've got to send away a whole lot of replies to letters of congratulation on baby's first anniversary, and I don’t want to put them in the same box that everybody uses. HIS PATIENCE, EXHAUSTED. Tum, NEW SALESMAN (01 frial) —“* Say, lady, I've only been at dis job for t'ree days. I'm used to drivin’ a car. I've showed you all de stuff in my department, an’ I ain't said nothin’, I'd like to stay till der week ‘s up, but I'm afraid if you keeps on askin’ questions I'll have to talk’a little—job, or no job I comicbooks.com