Judge, 1894-01-20 · page 5 of 16
Judge — January 20, 1894 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces mocking contemporary social foibles: **"The Funeral Excuse"** depicts an Irish servant (Pat, identified by dialect) claiming a funeral to skip work—a common excuse his employer catches him unprepared for, suggesting the excuse's transparency. **"A Social Blot"** is a moralistic poem about a man whose ink blot ruins his letter, then he curses so profanely a girl couldn't accompany him—the "blot" becomes metaphorical for moral failing. **Other brief satirical items** mock: - Literary pretension (Jobson's book) - Theatrical ego ("the part greater than the whole") - Legal absurdities (a mother issuing a "supersedeas" against a suitor) - Gambling culture (references to Monte Carlo and "bursting the bank") - Marital incompetence (the drunk husband unable to find home) The humor targets Victorian-era class anxieties, immigrant stereotypes, and middle-class aspirations through exaggeration and wordplay typical of *Judge* magazine's satirical approach.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Pat—"If yez plaze, sor, if yez wud be so koind ast’ let me aff Oi wud loike t’ attind a funeral.” A SOCIAL BLOT. A MAN of letters once dropped a blot Of ink, and it made an ugly spot On a clean white sheet of paper. He had meant to write of a fair girl's face, Of her snowy throat and her ghostly grace, Till he'd filled every inch of available space With flattery dense as vapor. But before he had written a word that blot Had fallen and made an ugly spot On his last clean sheet of paper. ‘Then he swore an oath that was black as ink ; It would make a wooden Indian blink And blush, It was fiery enough, I think, To light the wick of a taper. Had the fair white girl been on the spot When the man of letters dropped that blot On his last white sheet of paper, She'd have certainly said, ‘* Bad man, goto! Young ladies can’t travel along with you; For to swear till the atmosphere is THE “FUNERAL” EXCUSE. Pat's EMPLOVER (appearing unexpected'y)—"* Whose {uneral is this, Pat?” Pat (faken unawares)—"' Faith, an’ it's not quoite decoided yit, sor.” THE UNEXPECTED. ANXIOUS TO PLEASE. 6S VHAT about Jobson’s book, ‘Poor Boys Who Have Become Rich’ “Oh, the critics condemn it as holding up false ideals to American youths.” “Will Jobson’s reputation suf- fer?" “Not if he can help it. He's writing a sequel called ‘Rich Boys Who Have Become Poor.’ " MATHEMATICAL ERROR. DRAMATIC stars are apt to make The mathematical mistake Of deeming that, when ‘tis their réle, “The partis greater than the whole. [7 WAS not by way of penance that our Chauncey visited the pope after tarrying in Monte Carlo, Surely he never burst the bank, and the bank wasn’t smart enough to burst him, blue He—"' Why, Miss Elder, this is a surprise! I thought you were Is never the proper caper.” abroad this winter.” . PRANCHS ISAMRL. CURKIE, Sie— He—" Well, well! this is startling news; but then the unexpected always happens.” THE PROPER PROCEDURE. ASN'T that young Mr. Tiff who left the house as I came in?” asked the judge of his en’est daughter. "Yes, papa.” “Did I not issue an injunction against his coming here any more “Yes, papa; but mamma has granted a super- sedeas pending an appeal.” ALL RIGHT Now, : Mr. FuLisome—" Jush er manner wan- MAID of honor to Queen Victoria gets fifteen ner shee. I've jush moved inner zish bloom'g hundred dollars for thirteen weeks’ service. Is {99 am Tcan't fin’ m’ way home. | M’ wile a : ‘il wanner blame me for it ‘cause I promished there anything unlucky in those figures? “A CREAM PUFF” I'd come home earlish an’ lay carpetsh.” comicbooks.com