Judge, 1894-01-20 · page 10 of 16
Judge — January 20, 1894 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This story satirizes the decline of classical mythology in modern America. Jupiter, needing a charioteer to drive the sun, summons two spirits: an ancient Roman charioteer and a modern New York express-truck driver. The joke contrasts old and new: the Roman boasts of historical accomplishments ("Ben-Hur" references the famous novel), while the New York driver dismissively claims thirty years of mundane trucking experience. Jupiter dismisses the classical figure as obsolete and accepts the modern working man instead. The title "Survival of the Fittest" mocks evolution theory by suggesting modern mediocrity (a truck driver) outcompetes classical greatness (a legendary charioteer). The satire critiques American culture's dismissal of classical education and tradition in favor of modern practicality, however banal. The punchline—"the next day was the shortest of the year"—suggests the incompetent driver bungled the job.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“You are aware of what I desire?” he asked of the first spirit. “Are you qualified to assume the task ?” “Almighty Jupiter,” answered the awed spirit, “1 was a Roman charioteer. No beast might defy me. I could drive anything. My races are still told of by men. Why, but yesterday a mortal whom men call Wallace told them of a race of mine. To be sure I was beaten, but if your majesty will read ‘Ben-Hur’ you will "— “And you?" and Jupiter turned to the second spirit, who seemed quite unabashed by his god-like presence. Who, me? Say! I've drove an express-truck in New York fer thirty years. See?” “Enough,” said Jupiter, dismissing the charioteer. And the next day was the shortest of the year. ILLUSTRATED ADVERTISEMENTS. Ready for rent. . Rented, THE SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST. T WAS evening in Olympus, but Jupiter, instead of being calmly asleep, was awake, and angry as well, Despite his very considerable age and the fact that fickle mortals no longer believed in him, he still looked quite as young as his portraits in the mythology text-books picture him. He had pretty well recovered from his grief at the change of religion on earth, and also from the youthful exuberance that had occasioned his visits thither, and now he and Juno agreed very nicely. “ What is the trouble, dear?” she gently inquired. “Trouble? Why, that beastly Helios is drunk again and there’s nobody to drive the sun around to-morrow ; and I have ordered clear weather and now it’s too late to get clouds ready. That's the trouble!” savagely replied Jupiter. “A whole case of nectar gone too,” he added regretfully. “Send to Pluto, dear; perhaps he can send you some spirit who could help you out.” “By Jove!" egotistically exclaimed the god, “I guess I will.” He had not long to wait, and presently two spirits were ushered into the informal court that his majesty of Olympus was holding. i 3 THE GREEDY PUG AND THE MILK-JUG, —From the German, comicbooks.com