Judge, 1893-10-28 · page 7 of 16
Judge — October 28, 1893 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine contains several satirical sketches typical of late 19th-century humor: **"Deacon Randolph's Philosophy"** depicts a Black father chiding his son for avoiding difficult tasks (sawing through knotty logs). The deacon invokes George Washington, Grant, and Sheridan as examples of men who persevered through obstacles—social commentary wrapped in dialect humor reflecting period racial stereotypes. **"Convincing Proof"** is a domestic joke: a magistrate questions why a husband believes his wife eloped; the husband's evidence is spotting a man wearing his trousers, implying infidelity. **"Green Persimmons"** shows an Army surgeon offering whisky to a puckered soldier, with an Irish private attributing the drink's effects to "green persimmons"—a physical comedy sketch. **"That Made a Difference"** is a brief joke about how widowhood changed someone's hay fever status. **"Traveling Hospital"** contains a pun on "grip-car" (streetcar), with confusion about people "suffering" from it. **"Take the Most Valuable"** depicts burglars choosing slot machines over a safe—commentary on relative value or easy theft targets.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE oe HAD’S de reason Ww yo’ doan’ saw fas wood eben lengt’s? Kain’t git it in de stove nohow,” said Deacon —a Randolph the other morn- : ing as he tried to get a . three-foot log into his two- iY Jo Si ope foot stove. iC “Dat ain’ my fault; dat’s de fault ob de logs. Dere am too many knots in ‘em, an’ I ain’ gwine t’ saw {roo no knots,” replied the heir-apparent testily. “Yo’ ain’ gwine t’ saw froo no knots, eh?” cried the deacon. “Dat seems t’ be de principle p'int in yo’ character, t’ skip knots, Dat's jes’ whad makes yo’ so irreg'lar yo'self. I seen yo’ look ober a log fo’ two hours, tryin’ t’ fin’ an easy place t’ commence. P'r'aps ef Geo'ge Washin‘ton bin as ‘fraid ob knots as yo’ am yo’ be follerin’ de prince ob Wales's fashuns now ‘stead ob Berry Wall's! P'r'aps ef Gin'ral Grant bin ‘fraid t’ tackle knots ole Lee got ‘im shuah! P’r'aps ef Gin’ral Sheridan allus bin lookin’ fo’ easy logs t” saw an’ skippin’ all de knots yo’ nebber know who yo’ ole man was! Do yo’ s'pose dat ef I was ‘fraid ob tough hickory knots I'd ebber married yo’ po’ ole mudder? Go ‘long wiv yo’! Ef yo’ mark out dem logs eben lengt’s an’ den tackle ‘em, knots er no knots, den yo’ show as much sand as Peter Jackson; but now I see yo" hab less back-bone dan a mud-worm.” : CONVINCING PROOF. Magistrate— You say your wife left home last week and has not returned?” Disconsolate husband—" That's the fact, your honor.” Magistrate— But she may have gone to visit some friend or relative. What makes you think she has eloped with another man?” Disconsolate husban a pair of my trousers on.” [met him in the street yesterday with Ske —*“ Do you think, dear, we shall be really and truly hap- py in our married life?” - He— How can we help it, , darling, when I shall try so hard to be good to you? Why, it was only yesterday that I in- sured my life for fifty thousand dollars in your favor. Isn't that the best evidence that I am go- fng to make you happy?” ‘She (doubtfully pose you should live? But sup- A TRAVELING HOSPITAL. roadway) —"* That is what is commonly called a grip-car.” *And air all them people inside a-sufferin’ with it?” WILLIAM ANN (on UNeL& Trerto! GREEN PERSIMMONS. Army-surgeon (United States army)—“ Here, man alive! take this drink of whisky and see if it won't loosen the puckering-string of your mouth,” Private Maroon— Thanks, docthor. There's nothin’ loike a dhrop o' th’ crathur t'lim- ber a man’s mout’ an’ tathe, It’s sum beautiful grane plooms Oi've bin atin’, an’, be th’ powers! Oi. belave it's th’ same fruit frum th’ which yez docthors gits alum.” THAT MADE A DIFFERENCE. Mrs. Fangle—" Mrs. Snodgrass never had hay- fever when I knew her five years ago.” Mrs. Cumso—" But she has become a grass- AN ARGUMENT FOR FREE SILVER, widow since then.” machines,” “TAKE THE MOST VALUABLE.” SECOND BURGLAR—" Don’t be crazy,,Petey. Let de safe go an’ tackle dese slot- Ser ‘Comicbooks.com