Judge, 1893-09-23 · page 5 of 16
Judge — September 23, 1893 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple brief satirical sketches typical of Judge magazine's humor. The main pieces include: **"Deacon Randolph's Philosophy"**: A dialect-heavy sketch mocking African American speech patterns (common in 19th-century American humor, now considered offensive). A father warns his son against marrying a woman named Pearl, suggesting her attractive qualities will transform into aggressive, domineering behavior once married—a misogynistic joke about women's true nature. **"One for Many"**: Satirizes Chinese immigrants, depicting "Hop Sing" as claiming one registered voter can represent multiple people of the same name—mocking both Chinese naming conventions and electoral fraud concerns of the era. The remaining items are brief, mild domestic humor sketches about children, marriage, and romantic entanglements—typical lightweight comedy. The page reflects late 19th/early 20th-century prejudices: racist caricatures of African Americans and Chinese immigrants, and dismissive attitudes toward women. These represent the magazine's target audience's attitudes rather than progressive commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE - DEACON RANDOLPH’S PHILOSOPHY. WANTER tell yo’ somethin’, fadder,” nervously remarked the Randolph heir- apparent the other morning. “I'se gwine t’ git marr'd—t’a gal named Pearl, wiv langerous eyes, poutin’ lips, a sylph-like form, an’ a voice, fadder, like de ocean murmurin’ o'er peb- bles on a foamin’ shore.” “Well, den,” said Deacon’ Randolph, care- fully passing ‘his hand over the top of his head, “1 s'pose dar ain’ no help fo’ it. But when yo’ Saher - heah Pearl's foamy-shore voice git up like a >t A ” Kansas cyclone, an’ see dose langerous eyes glar’ | like a fo'teen-button rattlesnake; when yo’ see Maks dat sylph-like form, wiv a poker in its han’, strain , = i out like a feller gittin’ a ‘lectric shock, an’ dose ~ Y wt poutin’ lips, wiv bear-trap jaw attachment, close . up wiv a click like a fo'ty-poun’ snappin’-turtle, doan’ yo’ stop fo’ de door, but jes’ jump right froo de winder an’ tun home an’ tell yo’ ole man dat yo’ made a mistake. Go ‘long wiv yo"! Ef yo’ said yo’ war gwine t’ marry a sensible gal dat know how t’ cook I t'ink yo" know some- fin’: but now I see yo’ jes’ as big a fool as yo’ mudder.” ONE FOR MANY. +e YOU legistered, Hop Sing ?” “ Yeppee, me legistered. One Hop Sing he legister. Cover allee Hop Sings just samee.” HOW SHE KNEW. Dodo (in a small, still voice)—" Those peaches are green, Tommy.” . Tommy (helping himself) — Pooh ! ‘ AAS, They are ripe enough.” aN Dodo—" They are not ripe.” Tommy —"What makes you think so?” Dodo—"1 know they are not ripe “cause I ate seven this morning.” UNFAIR TO HER, 66\Y DEAR,” impetuously remon- strated Mrs. M., “why will you wear those frayed-out cuffs? People will think you have no wife to support you.” HER FIRST DIP. Mrs, PHELAN—"* You're no man at all, Moike, av ye don't lick th’ robber thot rinted me this bathin’-suit, Oi'm wit t’ th’ shkin, Shure, it don't kape th’ wather aff me no more nor if Oj had no suit an at all.” SOUND JUDGMENT. . ‘| LIKE Nina Barrett real well,” remarked F——, aged eight, referring to a somewhat determined char- acter two years older. “When she says a thing she means it. 1 guess she would make a good mother.” END OF A SEASIDE ROMANCE, “So FLEECY is not go- ing to marry the heir- ess, eh?” “No. I believe they I. Seen are disengaged.” AN INDISCRETION, EXPLAINED. ‘On! i i i ‘ie! “. vn Quntg Urvans—" Gimme a drink, dere, quik, Bete Hiisfatac?—" Tome Bertie Cane—" What's de matter, ole pard? Did a what's the matter with this x = soake bite yer? bottle of seltzer? It's only CORE Oxsts Urrans—"* Wus'n dat, Bertie. I read half-way pte uty ““ Eckstein, vat haf yer got der flag ad half-masd fur?” ‘na column o labor statistics before I caught onto what it Half full, “Trade is'tead. Ikey gouldn't sell a bair ohf bants toa Tommy—""1 met acat."” — gountryman,” comicbooks.com