Judge — September 23, 1893 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE - DEACON RANDOLPH’S PHILOSOPHY. WANTER tell yo’ somethin’, fadder,” nervously remarked the Randolph heir- apparent the other morning. “I'se gwine t’ git marr'd—t’a gal named Pearl, wiv langerous eyes, poutin’ lips, a sylph-like form, an’ a voice, fadder, like de ocean murmurin’ o'er peb- bles on a foamin’ shore.” “Well, den,” said Deacon’ Randolph, care- fully passing ‘his hand over the top of his head, “1 s'pose dar ain’ no help fo’ it. But when yo’ Saher - heah Pearl's foamy-shore voice git up like a >t A ” Kansas cyclone, an’ see dose langerous eyes glar’ | like a fo'teen-button rattlesnake; when yo’ see Maks dat sylph-like form, wiv a poker in its han’, strain , = i out like a feller gittin’ a ‘lectric shock, an’ dose ~ Y wt poutin’ lips, wiv bear-trap jaw attachment, close . up wiv a click like a fo'ty-poun’ snappin’-turtle, doan’ yo’ stop fo’ de door, but jes’ jump right froo de winder an’ tun home an’ tell yo’ ole man dat yo’ made a mistake. Go ‘long wiv yo"! Ef yo’ said yo’ war gwine t’ marry a sensible gal dat know how t’ cook I t'ink yo" know some- fin’: but now I see yo’ jes’ as big a fool as yo’ mudder.” ONE FOR MANY. +e YOU legistered, Hop Sing ?” “ Yeppee, me legistered. One Hop Sing he legister. Cover allee Hop Sings just samee.” HOW SHE KNEW. Dodo (in a small, still voice)—" Those peaches are green, Tommy.” . Tommy (helping himself) — Pooh ! ‘ AAS, They are ripe enough.” aN Dodo—" They are not ripe.” Tommy —"What makes you think so?” Dodo—"1 know they are not ripe “cause I ate seven this morning.” UNFAIR TO HER, 66\Y DEAR,” impetuously remon- strated Mrs. M., “why will you wear those frayed-out cuffs? People will think you have no wife to support you.” HER FIRST DIP. Mrs, PHELAN—"* You're no man at all, Moike, av ye don't lick th’ robber thot rinted me this bathin’-suit, Oi'm wit t’ th’ shkin, Shure, it don't kape th’ wather aff me no more nor if Oj had no suit an at all.” SOUND JUDGMENT. . ‘| LIKE Nina Barrett real well,” remarked F——, aged eight, referring to a somewhat determined char- acter two years older. “When she says a thing she means it. 1 guess she would make a good mother.” END OF A SEASIDE ROMANCE, “So FLEECY is not go- ing to marry the heir- ess, eh?” “No. I believe they I. Seen are disengaged.” AN INDISCRETION, EXPLAINED. ‘On! i i i ‘ie! “. vn Quntg Urvans—" Gimme a drink, dere, quik, Bete Hiisfatac?—" Tome Bertie Cane—" What's de matter, ole pard? Did a what's the matter with this x = soake bite yer? bottle of seltzer? It's only CORE Oxsts Urrans—"* Wus'n dat, Bertie. I read half-way pte uty ““ Eckstein, vat haf yer got der flag ad half-masd fur?” ‘na column o labor statistics before I caught onto what it Half full, “Trade is'tead. Ikey gouldn't sell a bair ohf bants toa Tommy—""1 met acat."” — gountryman,” comicbooks.com