Judge — August 19, 1893 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W, J. Ament. Bexwwann Giitam 1M. Grecory, £ TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. ONITED STATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE, One copy, one year, or sz numbers - $5.0¢ One copy, six months. or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy: for 13 weeks = == Including the Crtstsas Juoce. Mt for THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JuDGe BUILDING). Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th Street. New York ERI’ guarantee advertisers a larger circulation than any other American satiri- cal paper published. The \nor is for sale at Brentano's, Newcastle street, Strand, L many, and ty ChB, Paris; Smith, Ainslee & irbach's News Exchange. $27 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juoce are protected by copy: right in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. THE MOSQUITO that does not sing is an ornament to his sex. wEKs THEY ALSO SERVE who only stand and howl.— Waste of Colorado. SILVER QUESTION—What did Ju- das Chamberlain do with his thirty pieces? TRI %, gasses BALM se ENGLAND TO FRANCE—"If you get there before I do, just tell them I am coming too.” We SUSF ECT Russell Sage of grave responsibility with respect to the loss of the Lady Elgin. Qv TION BEFORE the house of , commons—When will your wound get out of its court-plaster? F WAITE of Colorado can stand his ‘own voice, no wonder he thinks he can scare the people of the east to death. PENNOYER was the original golly- swasher, we think; but Mary Lease wants to know the gender of the word. TRANCE WOULD like to be recog- nized as the pirate king. but she is more likely to be the pirate at the yard- arm, TO THE PI T street-cleaner of this town—When do you expect to xet your pockets sufficiently stuffed to resign? TH of IE TROUBLE reminds us, in memory of Jim Fisk and Jay ‘ould, of the touching remark, * Their works do follow them.” finds out that you" F A FIGHT were necessary to the acquisition of Bermuda we should have it; but who cares for wealth that he can have for nothing ? HE DEBATES in the impending Dublin, parliament will be a great and continuous foreign war, and Tim Healy will lead both sides of it. +¢GIMME PART of the core,” says the marquis to the duke. “No.” says the duke with unconscious truthfulness; “there ain't goin’ to be no core.” WE HAD NOT heard from Robert Maxwell in some time; but several hundred gentlemen in all parts of the country are assured every day, we are pleased to learn, that his health and axe and appetite are good. A BROFHER of the duke of Veragua, who is a marquis, wants half the money to be raised for the duke. Why not empty the treasury of those silver dollars and give them to this truly distressed family ? Poor fellow ! THE SUFFERING JOHN. HILE WE WEEP over the injustice done John Chinaman by the Geary act let us casually inquire into the goodness of those China- men at home who have a habit of stoning our missionaries to death. A few tears would, perhaps, be appreciated by the widows and orphans of the missionaries. SHAME! E£ SHOULD THINK the bones of Christopher Columbus would turn over in one of their several sepulchres, and that the shin-gear- ing of the same would kick hard, The descendants of Christopher who were honored at Chicago are anxious for charity, and a leading American is passing the hat for them. Blushes for Spain and for Uncle Sam, and tears for the slaughter of a pride that everybody ought to have. FRANCE AND SIAM. THIEF got possession of a small room in a large house and was permitted to occupy it on condition that he shoot nobody. Presently his feelings were hurt, and he demanded as reparation that all the rest of the house be given him with the sole exception of the kitchen, which must be used solely for his benefit and occupied only by his cook. This the owners of the house demurred to, and he felt so angry about it that he shot them all dead. BLOOD AND LOYALTY. BLoopsHeD is necessary to patriotism in Europe. “We must get up a war,” says the government when the people are discontented and turbu- lent. “We must find an enemy and de- stroy him. It will stimulate the feeling of nationality, and incidentally kill off a goodly number of the growlers.” Pos- sibly the Panama business is responsible for the war on Siam; and the czar is safer the larger the number of ordinary men ordered to the sacrifice. THE VULGAR NEWS. CHARLES R. MILLER, writing of journalism, apparently thinks that a newspaper ought to be a newspaper. This is so curious a view that all the maga- zines and a few superior newspaper editors are looking at it with surprise. “Why,” say they, “a newspaper ought not to have news—really that's vulgar. It ought to educate, not give out ordinary facts. It should present science in all its branches, and be sufficiently moral to be read from the pulpit. Facts are for the most part deformities—away with facts.” Mr. Mil- ler should be rebuked, of course. Did he never hear of the fate of the grist-mill that refused to produce orange-blossoms ? DOWN-TOWN. Patiext—" Don't you think Mr. Croker will object if he used his razor?” Jonks (the corporation barber) Varient—" I’ thought it was—it’s got such an awful pull.” WITH TONGUES OF TRUMPETS. WALTER BESANT says Chicago is producing a new literature. He should go further and think of the large, high and limitless oratory of the great west. There is Bryan of Nebraska, who never speaks but he boils at the mouth. There is Waite of Colorado, whose eloquence paws the air and roils the Mississippi. There are Peffer and Ingalls and Simp- se of Kansas, who lift their chins to the conspicuous agitation ies and whose notes of alarm send coyotes to their various holes. There is Pennoyer of Oregon, terse and vigorous, and Jerry Rusk, whose opinions are given like the crack of a whip, And how many, many more! his isn't Croker's.” NO DELUGE? R. ZAHM, that the forty-days’ deluge was a mere shower, thus incidentally vindicating the prophetic remark to that effect of the unterrified Democrat who told Noah to go on with his old boat—he didn’t want any protection. And so is brought into question another historic fixture of several centuries. We havé lost the Washing- ton cherry-tree, the William Tell business, various exalted notions of Joan of Arc, and Mother Shipton; and it is tough to think that several million human beings were not, after all, drowned like rats in a cage, But there is one consolation, We still have hell, and the fire and brimstone of Sodom and Gomorrah have not been entirely put out by the wet blanket of the heartless iconoclast. cientist, s: comicbooks.com