Judge, 1893-07-08 · page 4 of 16
Judge — July 8, 1893 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical vignettes typical of late 19th-century American humor: **"Little Johnnie"** mocks the common literary trope of mischievous children causing domestic chaos—here, a boy fills his father's whiskey jug with powder, resulting in explosive consequences. The humor lies in exaggerated slapstick violence. **"The Line Drawn"** satirizes marital tolerance: a husband accepts his kleptomaniac wife stealing from street vendors, but draws the line when she steals his typewriter's love letters—a commentary on male vanity and selective morality. **"The Mother of Necessity"** jokes about New Jersey rural poverty: a visitor mistakes a giant mosquito for a horse, implying Jersey is so poor locals ride insects. **Various shorter pieces** ("Kilduff's Objection," "Why He Did It," "Putting It Delicately") use domestic and social situations for gentle humor about marriage, children's misbehavior, and etiquette. The overall tone is light social satire without partisan political content—typical Judge filler material aimed at middle-class readers.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LITTLE JOHNNIE, HESTOLE the old man’s toddy-jug And filled it full of powder ; And now his pretty little mug Is all chopped up like chowder. THE LINE DRAWN. She—" He knew she was a klep- tomaniac when he married her; why should he leave her now?” He—* Think how humiliating to him as a millionaire it was to see her prosecuted for stealing collar-buttons from a street-peddler !” She —* But he bore that.” He—" Ve: ut when she stole his typewriter’s love-letters he drew the line.” KILDUFF’S OBJECTION. Gazzam—" Why don’t you marry her, Kilduff? She's dead in love with THE MOTHER OF NECESSITY. you.” isiting Plankington at his home in New Jersey)—"* What is that strange animal you have hitched Kilduff—"\ know that, but you see she has too much beard for beauty and (ON —** That's a thoroughbred mosquito mare, old man. I couldn't afford a horse.” " Fe not enough for dime-museum uses. JUDGMENTS, LIFE is full of compensations. A dutiful son will take great pains with the education of his parents. If you are a gentleman ycu will never find it neces- sary to say so. A woman's work is never done unless it is done by some other woman. It’s a very poor neighbor that won't acknowledge his boy is to blame. If a woman steals, it is as a rule for some man; a man steals for himself. In the evolution of matter sooner or later everything and everybody goes to grass Cast your bread upon the waters with the buttered side up and it will come back cake. The most mistaken and the most demoralizing of all human sentiments is womanly sympathy for a male criminal, ins. oat ones JUST CATCHING ON. Duane—"*Great heavens! that car is either filled with madmen, or there has been some sort of an explosion.” £ADE—"* Nonsense ; the gripman has simply taken hold of the cable.”* WHY HE DID IT. Brown—" Didn't | tell you not to fire off any crackers in the house?” Little Johnnic—“ couldn't help it, pa. It dropped out of my hand.” Brown —" What did you let it fall for? Little Johnnie—" "Cause 1 saw it was going off.” PUTTING IT DELI- CATELY. #4] CAME to see you about this parrot,” she said with a mildness that showed her to be a patient woman, “Doesn't he talk ?" “A great deal, “Doesn't he talk plainly 2" “Very. It was his—his y, $0 to speak, that puze “ What's the matter with it?” “Well, he seems to be thoroughly orthodox in his re- marks, but his method of em- phasis is extremely erratic.” NO HARM DONE, a 5 Cavcuey—" Will yez moind Herty, Shure, he’s grane wid jealousy !" True meanness lies most OLD Mracnex—“ Well, John, afther all's said an’ done it's a fine ould Often in an unwillingness to as- pathriotic color. sume a small obligation. PUTTING ON A BIG FRONT. comicbooks.com