Judge, 1893-05-06 · page 7 of 16
Judge — May 6, 1893 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical page contains several unrelated pieces typical of Judge magazine's format: **"A Chicago Side-Show"** mocks the 1871 Great Chicago Fire by imagining a circus barker promoting an absurd exhibit: a man who drank buttermilk from O'Leary's cow—the animal legendarily responsible for kicking over the lamp that started the fire. It's satirizing how disasters become sensationalized entertainment. **"Light Artillery"** is a collection of brief philosophical quips poking fun at human nature and pretension (critics, millionaires, poets, Darwin). **"A Terrible Bore"** depicts a social complaint about tedious conversation—a man who won't stop talking about his health. **"Don't"** is a pun-based joke: a Boston woman asks if a New York man has read Kant (the philosopher), but he mishears it as "can't," creating awkward misunderstanding that ends their interaction. **"The Inconsistency of the English Language"** ridicules English pronunciation through a German immigrant's confusion: "look out" (meaning "be careful") versus "look in" (meaning observe inside)—the words sound identical but mean opposite things.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A CHICAGO SIDE-SHOW. Barker—' Here you are, sir! The greatest won- der at the fair, sir! Within’ this tent sits Terence Callahan, the only living man who has drunk buttermilk made from a churning of cream skimmed from the milk given by O'Leary's cow, that kicked over the lamp that set Chicago on fire. Ilere you are! ‘Tickets only five dimes, two quarters, fifty cents or half a dollar.” LIGHT ARTILLERY. AEE small boys advocate felt slippers. ‘The eye is the thermometer of the soul. A cynic is a man who must be unhappy to be happy. A man is judged by the cigars he gives to his friends. The casiest thing in the world is not to become a millionaire. A critic isn’t always right, but the critics are never wrong. Success, like charity and a silk hat, covers a multitude of sins. Anybody can write poetry. Only a great man can criticise it, Darwin —" We are all descended from Ham.” Spencer—" Or eggs.” The astronomer knows almost as much about ‘Space as the reporter. | ia Mh Ten A TERRIBLE BORE. Woor—'* Nat Sewell is getting to be a terrible bore.” Mrs. vaN Peit—" In what particular?” Woot — ‘I asked after his heaith this morning, and he sat down and told me all The most, fetching thing in the world—A re- triever. He'll fetch anything. The school-master is abroad. That is why Tammany is in clover. Some actors when they play the villain assume amask. Others unconsciously tear it off. Queen Victoria will send all the books she has written to the world’s fair. So will L. Jean Libby. The difference between Mrs. James Brown Potter and Judge Lynch— She wants to elevate the stage; he, the stage robber. Shakespeare wrote for alt time, Tennyson for our time, Whitcomb Riley for summer time, and ‘Walt Whitman for some other time. JON ERNEST Me CANN. “DON'T.” BOSTON maid and a New York boy Stood upon the ball-room floor. Said the Boston maid, ‘* Iave you read Kant 2” And she gravely eyed him o'er. “Don’t you mean ‘ Don't'?” asked the New York boy— And now they don’t speak any more. THE INCONSISTENCY OF THE ENGLISIL LANGUAGE. ** Look out, down there!" “Yah” “Dunder und lightnings ! : ven you means look in?” Vat for you say lock oud, comicbooks.com