Judge — April 29, 1893 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

272 DON'T FLIRT ON THE WHREL, OR YOU WILL GET THAT (PNEUMATIC) TIRED FEELING. IN A CHICAGO SUNDAY- SCHOOL. Teacher (of infant class, from Boston) — Can any of you tell me what Jesus said to the man up a sycamore-tree?” Blue-eyed little one (holding up hand)—"I know.” Teacher —" Well, you are the st in the class and you may tell Blue-eyed little one—" Please, mavam, he said, ‘Jackass, come down.” (Whole class, including teacher, laughs.) Teacher —" No, not that. The man’s name was Zaccheus. He was very short, and so climbed the tree to overlook the crowd.” JUDGE MISNAMED. + eTHIS isn’t a real comic opera,” said Mawson as the cur- tain fell. “Why not? I've been laugh- ing and so have you all through it.” “That's just it. It's comic, and comic operas never are WORKING UP TRADE. Head of firm —* Gripsacke, you've been drunk, Gripsacke—" es, sir. It was necessary for me to get in that condition in order to sell this bill of goods.” Head of firm—"Go out and get the delirium tremens.” Blue-eyed little one—" Was it because Zaccheus was a little man who liked to get in a high place that Jesus called him down?" Teacher—" Yes, | suppose so; though it’s curious that I never thought of it before. But ‘called down’ sounds rather slangy.” Children (in chorus)—" Then hadn't we better change the racket ” Teacher—* School is dismissed.” (Exeunt omnes. HER REFERENCES. Lady —"Have you any references, I 3 Bridget—" mum. Shure, an’ Oi've lift dozens av th’ foinest houses in Chicagy.” A PRACTICAL IL- LUSTRATION, Kingley—" You have no idea, old man, what can be done with one of those chafing-dishes.” Why does the smallest man in the orchestra always play the largest instrument while the biggest man tackles the tiny piccolo? SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. TS easy to forswear unknown delights. Nothing is so immortal as an unfortunate love. Only a parent can understand the language of a baby’s cry. Art cannot live without genius, but genius may live without art. A tiny voice will always be raised in defense of the mother-in-law. The fairest ornament for a woman's breast is the fresh lower of humanity. With the blood of babes is the stagnant stream of life replenished and renewed The stanchest adherents of blue blood are those animated by a more sanguine variety. We are less apt to criticise the extravagances of others when we are made the favored partakers thereof. KATHNINE GROSJEAN. As for ive breed of lx would want a New York “When pai A ministe The coror the suicide Rallread Tek Meals Cars and r 20 There is n ite novel wit Yourself IN THE TOILS, DECISIVE MATRON—'' We've come to git married.” Justice oF THE Pea Pardon me, madam, but isn’t theré a great disparity in your ages?” Decisive MATRON—"* Ni about that. Jest go ahead, My daughter Henrietta wuz goin’ t’ ‘lope with this young feller t'-night an” I'm goin’ t’ stop him or bigamize him." Witherby—" Ves, | have too. You see this lump on ghe top of my head ?” Kingley—" Yes.” Witherby—" Well, that’s what my wife “did with one this morning.” BORE A TRADE-MARK. oe HAT is the name of the butter-dealer’s pretty daughter behind the desk ?” “Oleomargaret.” MUST LOOK ELSEWHERE, ¢s]/M_ LOOKING for a husband,” said Miss Giddey- candidly. “Well, you needn’t think you can get mine,” replied Mrs. Bloobumper. GLASS-BLOWER. Why it Faris By PROF c BF PROF comicbooks.com