Judge — December 31, 1892 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MINZENHEIMER’S BAD MEMORY. * Dot's a goot sign. I'll baint one like it feer my store.” “Dot ees youst der ding.” OLD CHOCOLATE'’S JOCOSERIOUS CHAT. DE MAN dat rides toe much gits toe be a po’ walkah. Tain't de ornery kind ob ‘pology dat ‘ll cuah a- slap in de face. : Ef all eggs wuh hatched dar 'd be mo’ en ‘nuff chickens t’ go roun’. : De donkey may know de way he wantah go, but hit's gen'ly in de op’site derekshun, A little breeze ob truth kin blow down a solid wall ob lies dat hit take a lifetime toe buil’. Frien'ship er laik a chile. Yo" kain’t ‘pend on hit ‘twell hit dun had de measles an’ cut teeth. Ef yo’ conshens er right a piece ob shoat on C'rismus day ull relish bettah en ‘possum any oddah time. Ef yo’ got any doubt dat honesty er de bes’ policy ask yo" nabu’s, but keep yo" eye pecled jes’ de same. Ef yo’ doan’ hab compny C’rismus yo’ kain’t.be merry. ‘A WORD IN SEASON. Dis day, laik de fofe July, ain't no solitud’nus one. [LOOK 08 pon the wie when De man dat plants onion-seed ‘peals toe de stummick, but red, My festive new-year caller; Or you, before the day is fled, Will find yourself a brawler. ON TIME, ANYHOW. Fosdick—“ Well, the new year arrived on time.” Ricketts—" Yes; right on the second.” Fosdick—"You are wrong. It came on the first.”” MY TEMPERANCE GIRL. MY CALL on her I will resign, Though she's a charming maid, Because on new- year’s day the line T draw at lemonade. “OH, KOBIN! TELL KITTY I'M COMING,” ‘Says the chip to the butt. ONE WAY TO PRO- MOTE HAPPINESS. ++] WISH you a very happy new year,” said Dr. Pel- let to Cawker. “Then don't send in your last quarter's bill till the first of February, doctor,” replied Caw- SWIRTLANDISAEE. : ker. “Well, T'se stole chickens lots o' ways, but dis safety bicycle do beat ‘em all.” 4a THE ROSE AND THE THORN. [7S NICE to hear the joyous chimes The bells on new-year’s ring ; Unless, of course, you catch be- times ‘A cold that lasts till spring. THE HONEST DEALER. Coal - dealer —“ Jin, how much did you send- Mrs. Good- heart for that last ton?” Jim —"Seventeen hundred pounds. Coal-dealer—* That's right. Now come and paint these peb- bles black.” MORE NEARLY COR- RECT. Larkin—Did you accept that situation Barlow’ offered you, Spiggit Spiggit—" No; I thought better of it. Larkin—If you refused it you must have thought worse of it.” A NATURAL CONCLUSION. “'Muchee big Injun muss live there—take many scalps. Ugh! ugh!” de man dat plants a tree er got suffin’ bettah 'n an appetite. ‘An angry man er laik hot fon. Ef yo’ aggravate hot ion wid watah dar’s de debble toe pay. Leff hit alone an’ hit done git col’. : Dar er mo happiness in chilehood in a penny whis'lé an’ a pocket ob peanuts en yo'll git in age out'n a house an’ bahn an‘ a fas’hoss. 5, », watprow. NOT UNKNELLED. First quidnunc—" Did the town authorities take any appro- priate action on the death of Scruggs the millionaire?” Second quidnune —Yes; they had the fire-bell rung while the funeral was going on.” comicbooks.com