Judge — November 26, 1892 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UNWORLDLY. AM THANKFUL that I never wrote a novel realistic ; ‘That I never preached theosophy or something just as mystic. Tam thankful that I've spent no time or gold in wonder-mak- ing; That I never owned a horse or boat far-famed for record- breaking. Tam thankful that to find the are- tic pole I've ne'er been fated ; That I've ne‘er been called upon to make the stage more elevated. Tam thankful that I've never been a sultan or a kaiser; ‘That I've never been a president, a mayor or supervisor. I am thankfal that a fossil or a germ I've ne'er detected; That with dress-reform and other schemes I've never been con nected, I give thanks that in society I've never cut a caper; ‘That I have no fancy coat-of-arms to place upon my paper. Tam just an honest, simple man, and home I do adore it Yes, and I am very glad to say that I am thankful for it. MOST IMPORTANT EVENTS SINCE THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA. NE—Columbus, on landing, inquires for. Wanamaker's store. Failing to find Wanamaker he bargains with the natives. Two—William Penn, after locating Philadelphia and Wanamaker’s store, bargains with the natives. ‘THREE—Wanamaker's store in Philadelphia on bargain-day. Wanamaker bargaining with the natives. Four—Wanamaker sees the national Republican committee and bargains with the natives. FIVE—APOTHEOSIS OF WANAMAKER. Wanamaker —"Mr. St Peter, I want a first-class loca- tion, I have with me the latest Philadelphia fashions, and the job-lots I shall offer on bargain- days will make the angels crazy. Here is my pass.” St. Peter —"No, Mr. Post- inter it.” VoIce FROM DOORWAY. an’ I'se afeerd t’ cotch ‘em !" Deacon Busee—" Dis yar congregashun seems t’ need sumfin’ t’ put new life ON TO HER. Sie—" Oh, dearest ! let me comb your hair.” No.” 1, let me rub your forehead with eau-de-cologne.”” For the Lord's sake! where's the bonnet-bill? Give it to me and I'll master-general. Your four-hundred-thousand-dollar ticket was good for a first-class reserved seat in Mr. Harrison's cabinet, but it won't pass you in at this gate. You can't bargain with the angels.” CAUSE OF FAMILY JOY. ONAME something for hich we ought to be thankful,” said the teacher, anx- ious to impress Thanksgiving day on her young pupils. “Mamma says we ought to be thankful that Sister Sue is married at last,” piped up Fred- dy Fosdick. THANKSGIVING, S]'M NOT sorry,” said the turkey, “To be robbed of all my fame. I'm glad that some think foot-ball is The best Thanksgiving game.” QUITE UNNECESSARY. Clerk in book-store—* Do you wish to buy an encyclopaedia?” Customer—" No; \'m a Bos- “* Dar's two big ‘possums down in Mose Frisby's woods WHERE THE LIFE CAME comicbookeeamn