Judge, 1892-11-05 · page 7 of 16
Judge — November 5, 1892 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humor pieces typical of late 19th-century American satirical magazines: **"How She Won It"**: A child's misunderstanding of a "pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey" party game. She believes winning the booby prize (the consolation prize for worst performance) represents genuine achievement—satirizing childhood innocence and competitive delusion. **"A Mild Assignment These Days"**: Topical humor about prison escapes, likely referencing contemporary crime concerns, with ironic editorial advice to interview escaped prisoners about their grievances. **"Afraid to Inhale It"**: An Irish domestic servant (Bridget, using period ethnic dialect) refuses telephone use, fearing she'll inhale others' breath—mocking both technological anxiety and working-class superstition. **"Flattery"**: A woman rejects compliments; a male writer retorts that honest compliments about her cannot be plain-spoken—gentle gender-based wit. **"A Bad Risk"**: A war veteran applying for life insurance reveals his age, causing the examiner to refuse coverage because soldiers "die off too often"—dark humor about Civil War casualty rates. The remaining content includes poetry and a dog-related joke.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE HOW SHE WON IT. ITTLE FRANCES is four and a half years old, and she has attended just three children’s parties. She came home from the third in a state of great elation, bearing triumphantly a box of colored dolls to cut out and dress. See, mamma!" she exclaimed, “I winned dis at de party. It's de first time I ever winned a prize at a party.” “How nice!’ replied mamma, “How did my little girl win such a nice prize?” “Why, mamma, dey had a donkey.” Not a real donkey, you know, but a paper donkey, stuck against.a curtain.” “And de children all stuck tails on de donkey wiv dere eyes blinded,” “Yes, “Well, I winned dis prize by stickin’ de tail on de farvest off.” She had won the booby prize. ANNA. TUERPONT SiVITER, A MILD ASSIGNMENT THESE DAYS. Reporter—"A. dozen prisoners escaped from the jail last night.” City editor— Get an interview with them and find out the cause of their discontent.” AFRAID TO INHALE IT. FLATTERY. Miss Fatre—‘‘I do not like compliments. Please to speak truthfully of me and in plain language.” Ma. Wirte—‘' But language’ that speaks truthfully of - you cannot be plain.” AUTUMN DAYS. I LOVE to loiter through the silent woods, By sweet deserted pathways where the leavés Lie drifted thick-and autumn’s sunshine weaves Such bright fantastic shadows of her moods Over the gold-gray carpet of the ground. T love to-hear the brook whose, silver thread Winds through the stillness with a dreamy sound Like songs half sung or tender words half said. Tove.to mark the rabbits as they bound Befote my footstep, and the squirrels shy ; The startled partridge, whirring swiftly by; ‘The quail that rans among the stubble dry. I love to mark these things, as sportsman should ;, That is, I’d love to mark them—if I could, a4. muincns, A BAD RISK. oe [™ THE youngest soldier of the late war,” casually remarked the candidate for life-insurance at the close of his exami- Docror—" Why, are you going to leave simply because you have to talk through nation, the telephone?” BRIDGET—"‘Av coorse Oi am. Oi don't want tbe inhalin''th’ breath ay thim “Are you?” replied the examiner sharply. “‘I'm glad you told different people all th’ toime, begob !" me that, for I-can’t insure you. You fellows die off too often.” ‘The effect, CHOLLY GETS SQUARE WITII HER PAPA’S BULL-DOG, comicbooks.com i