Judge — November 5, 1892 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE HOW THE FLAG GREW TWO WAYS OF LOOKING HEAVIER. AT IT. DostED Ruin «6 (CHRISTMAS comes but once STi. Co. a year,” said the optimist, smiling. “That's so,” replied the pessi- mist. “If it came oftener it would bankrupt the country.” MR. HOBBS'S ASPIRATION. 66] DON'T care nothin’ about bein’ made a lord,” said Mr. Hobbs; “but ef the gov'ment was a mind to make my wife a lady I wouldn’t put nothin’ in their way.” G. A. R. Man—" Here, let me carry that flag in the parade. I feel as young as I did thirty ye: rs ago.” HE MET HIS MATCH. PRESIDENT OF THE BURSTED RUIN SILVER-MINE. (as book-canvasser comes in)— “Ah, my friend, glad to see you, We've got something here that I want you to in- vestigate. Sit right down, Shares selling at five dollars, guaranteed to pay a hundred inside of "— (But the canvasser had had an apoplectic stroke and they took him away.) TO THE CLAIRVOYANT. H, MYSTIC ONE, bid thy patrolling mind Make wide research ; a secret for me find. The inmost thoughts of all men analyze And venture not the humblest to despise. EVIDENCE. ++} JA, how strange!” said Miss Precise as she walked through a cemetery. “I didn't: know they buried people after cremation.” “Neither do they,” said her escort. “They must have in After one hour. this case,” said Miss Precise. “Don't you see’ it says ‘Peace to his ashes’ on the head- stone?” Bid thy "* control," through thy lips to reveal The wisdom coveted, nor anything conceal : And rest not from thy task till all is done, Thou wise clairvoyant, ever mystic one. And this the secret that I long to learn— Shall genial fires ever brightly barn, Shall radiant heaters in the street-cars glow, The coming winter when the chill winds RATHER SUPERFICIAL. Bloobumper—"Ater all, beauty is only skin deep.” Spatts—“\n many cases it is not so deep as that. It is often laid on the skin's surface.” MARK BENNETT. A POSER. Sunday-school teach- er—"Noah took a pair of every living thing into the ark so that they wouldn’t be drowned.” Little Johnnie—" Say, BEYOND ALL REDEMPTION. Briggs—"\ hear that young Tremens was turned out of Dwight as a hopeless case. Griggs—" What was the trouble?” Briggs—*They found out that he was the owner of a yacht.” Ma'am, was that the rea- AS peers son he took in the fish?” 5 eaceeeeTE McCorkle — 1, {| >> eumreR| [hl “delved how h Poneto \ what vie a OU would better ‘a life on the ocean waive” If yourself from the mal-de- mer you'd save. thing out?” MeCrackle— “No; what is After four hours. in?” MeCorkle—" haven't decided whether it’s an aching tooth or a conflagration.” PRESSED FOR TIME. S4]SN'T Stowboy: always behind in his work?” “T haven't found him so. Why do you ask?" “Well, it’s taken him five years, eleven months and a half to sign a check for fifty dollars borrowed money.” QUITE A QUESTION. Brown—"\f you go over there where the ice is thin you'll get drowned.” HE COULDN'T FIND IT. Little Jokenie—* W thats so, Pat (the netw footman)—"* Begob! thot's th’ funniest globe Pa: how was it the man who put up = Oi iver pit me oiyes an, Oi can't see ould Oireland anywheres.” the danger-sign didn’t fall in? After six hours. comicbooks.com