Judge, 1892-10-15 · page 6 of 16
Judge — October 15, 1892 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page commemorates the 400th anniversary of Columbus's 1492 voyage. The main poem "To Columbus" offers patriotic gratitude while dismissing rival claims (likely referencing Norse explorer Leif Erikson). It jabs at quarantine regulations—suggesting Columbus arriving in 1892 would face modern health restrictions, making his discovery impossible today. The scattered jokes employ ethnic stereotypes typical of the era: German-accented characters ("Mendenthal," "Geisueim," "Grocan") appear in crude dialect humor about sneezing, whiskey, and domestic life. "The Proper Salutation" shows a bird performing increasingly exaggerated head movements—satirizing telephone operators' supposed affectations when greeting customers. "The Inevitable" mocks wealthy Chicago society: a woman's family purchased an oversized European painting but had to cut it down to fit their doorway—suggesting vulgar materialism and impractical pretension among the nouveau riche. The humor relies heavily on period stereotypes and social class mockery rather than political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TO COLUMBUS. October 21st, 1892. UR GRATEFUL thanks to you we owe, Oh, Christopher Columbus ! ‘Vhat just four hundred years ago You raised that mighty rumpus. ‘This year Thanksgiving we'll renew With thrice its wonted cheer ; For if it had not been for you We might not have been here. And yet some claim that Ericsson, Year M,, had us in view. Well, never mind what he had done ; We'd just as Lief ‘twas you. Ah, had you waited until now Absurd it would have been, And dimmed the laurels on your brow, To stop in quarantine. And when in winter by our fires, Outside the night-wind roars, We'll bless the ship whose sail-hung spires Brought Col-on to these shores. You bear a name of modest worth. One reason why we love it Is that you didn’t want the earth, Only this best part of it. When, on your day of jubilee, Our cannon shall have thundered We'll cheer that 1892 Is ‘one of the four hundred.” GRORGE siRDSRYE. i a fd i hi TIMELY PRECAUTION, 2 MENDENTHAL (af the home-feast)—* Grab der celery, R-r-rebecea! You fader vos goin’ to shneeze.” THE PROPER SALUTATION. Huggins — Why did you say ‘hello’ to that young lady who passed?" Kissam—* She's a telephone-girl.” JUDGE THE FATE OF POOR POLLY—A TALE OF A PARROT AND A HARTSHORN ROLLER. | o> “ial GETTING UP STEAM. Geisueim—'* Dot's goot vhisky, mein frendt. No man vill go home und lick his vife alretty py drinkin’ dot vhisky.”” Grocan—‘*Put it’back. Pfwin a man has a woman who has pawned th’ goat t’ buy hersilf a pair o' suspinders an’ liver-colored shoes, it's th’ other shtuff he wants.” HOUSEHOLD SWEETNESS. Mr. Plummer—"\ just found my hat on the refrigerator. on what ridiculous thing I will find it next?” Mrs. Plummer— Probably on your head, dear.” And Mrs. Plummer smiled sweetly as Mr. Plummer slammed the door and rushed down-stairs. I wonder THE INEVITABLE. Miss Calumet (of Chicago)—" We have had such an awkward thing happen. You know when we were over in Europe papa bought an oil painting, and the other day we ascertained that it was so large we couldn't get it in through the door.” Cleverton—" Dear me! what did you do about it?” Miss Calumet (with a sigh)— “We had to have it cut down to the proper size.” < N comicbooks.com