Judge — October 1, 1892 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

216 I-A SAD MISTAKE. Crorus oF cirts—"* Quick, girls; a count is coming !” 2—A SAD MISTAKE. Waiting for the count to arrive. THE UNIVERSAL OBITUARY AND EPITAPHY CoO. (LIMITED). OF THE hard chips ‘ncident to a stone-cutter's life, none are greater than that of being expected to improvise grave- yard and appropriate verses to be placed on the dash-board of a tomb. Many an over-heated journalist has been ruined in attempting to combine poetry and truth in reeling out obituary rhymes. With the idea of aiding them in their labors and at the same time benefiting humanity at large, the Universal obituary and epitaphy company (limited) has been organized. Briefly stated, the workings of the company will be as follows : Names will be gleaned from the death-columns of the daily papers, and samples of our goods, mounted upon black card- board, will be mailed, with price-list, to bereaved friends. These samples will give a gloomy idea of our line of epi- taphs and obituary poems, Herewith are given a few designs, THOUGHTFUL, ** What are you going to do with the anchor, Pat?” Pat—"' Be gob, don’t you see the man a-drownin’?” space being left for the name. There is always a demand for “ fool- and-gun” obituaries. Hence: Didn't know the gun was loaded ; In the barrel sought to blow did. ‘Then he left the madding crowds And is busy pushing clouds. After the glorious Fourth there is always a call for something like this : Put away his little pistol, Blanky is an angel now, And no more his tiny fist’ll Clinched be in a school-boy row. The untimely taking off of a young girl might be chronicled something after this : Miss Blanky Blankblank was a beautiful girl, She wore a bright smile and a foretop in curl; She died of a pain most distressingly sharp— Now she wears golden slippers and twangs on a harp, Many estimable ladies have come to an untimely end by swallowing pins, Therefore this should be in demand : Mrs. Blank Blank had a wart on her chin, Cut off in her prime, having swallowed a pin ; It raised in her throat a most terrible lump, And stayed there in spite of a big stomach-pump, ‘The kerosene-can is responsible for many deaths every year. In such cases something like this quatrain is recommended: Girl and wood extremely green, lanky tried to light the fire— Kitchen stove and kerosene, Now, alas! she's gone up highe In the line of epitaphs, something descriptive, like the following,” will be appreciated : Little Blanky was a daisy, But the measles drove her crazy And one afternoon in August little Blanky up and died. In this graveyard she is planted; Bought this monument her aunt did, 3—A SAD MISTAKE, (He arrives.}—"" Now one moment, ladies, until my trunk is taken up-stairs.” This tells its own story : Underneath the daisies lies Blank Blank Blank, aged blanky years, "Cause he failed to realize Muels are not patient steers, Suitable for a quarry- man: Here's the grave of Blank Blankblank, Bat he isn’t in it. Monkeyed with some dyna- mite, ‘Then he went up out of sight In a blasted minute. This should obtain in the wild and woolly west: Blank Blank Blank was very gritty, But the vigilance committee Said the Hg the bore be, serely 4—A SAD MISTAKE. So they put him in the hole. ——But when the bundles were removed, rem. cuemiss, they fled. comicbooks.com