Judge, 1892-08-27 · page 10 of 16
Judge — August 27, 1892 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical shorts and cartoons typical of Judge magazine's humor. **"It Was Never Violated"**: Mocks a Wall Street businessman's absurd logic—he claims an inflexible office rule never to consult the thermometer, then admits he doesn't own one. The satire targets pretentious professional affectation. **"Not by the Ear"**: A tailor hangs by unpaid debts while a citizen questions hanging criminals by thumbs—dark humor about creditor abuse. **"Professional Pride"**: The longest piece satirizes professional snobbery. A gossipy man (Jaggers) visits three doctors in succession, each dismissing the previous one's credentials—a dentist isn't a "real" doctor, a veterinarian isn't either. The joke exposes how professionals create arbitrary hierarchies and gatekeeping to maintain status, regardless of actual competence. Other shorts mock romantic clichés, twisted metaphors, and gender stereotypes common to the era's light humor.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ON THE SANDS. MOON her silver hammock swung Between two stars as hint of slumber. They did not heed ; they were too young— Too spoony far the hours to number. In happy silence ‘neath the sky They watched the dancing waves toss fleet toes, While now and then burst forth a sigh— “Dear me, these terrible mosquitoes!" 4, «. nincxs. IT WAS NEVER VIOLATED. URING the recent hot wave Mr. Stout met a friend on Wall street, and the conversation naturally turned on the weather. “Tell you what it is,” said Stout; “I make it an inflexible rule in my office that the thermometer is not to be consulted, and that rule has never ‘once been violated.” “What in thunder is the use of having a thermometer if it’s never to be looked at?” “That's just it, old boy; haven't got any.” NOT BY THE EAR. zen —"What do you think of hanging a man up by his thumbs? Tailor — Some of my customers hang me up by the ye SAW NO USE IN IT. “TL doan’ see de use in gittin’ up dat fox-huntin’ club—‘deed I don’t, Miss Irene. Now ef dey would hab a chicken-huntin’ I could see some sense in it.” SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE LOVE'S wishes are his commands to his subjects. Let one cherish what he have lest he mourn what he have not. One of the most peculiar things is that any one should call another peculiar. The great Diogenes is less renowned for his philosophy than for his democracy. After one’s gods have been broken a second and a third time, one comes to care less for fragile divinities. Justice for animals wavers between two measures. Women are sym- pathetic and hysterical, and men are cool and discreet; and between the two the poor beasts have a hard time of it. KATHRINE CROSjRAM YOUNG LOGIC. LITTLE HAROLD, out walking with his mamma, saw somic’ men lifting a square piano from which the legs had been taken, as usual, for convenience in removal, and a happy thought struck hin, “Mamma, didn’t you tell me the other day that our piano was an upright?” “Yes, dear. Why?” “Well, if ours is an upright this must be a downright.” oe afl 4 AN ANGRY GIRL. i Miss Bleecker —* Sue was as mad as a wet hen.” ay . ‘ AV rans Miss Emerson (of Boston)—" Yes; her temper was as high as that AN APPEAL. of a moist specimen of the female fowl. Doc (to Ais master, who is strapping a muzzle on him)—" See here! it's all right for you to comply with the law; but suppose that big stray mongrel should catch me with this machine on? Don't you think it would only be fair to get one that would cover my whole body?” nes ; Weeney PROFESSIONAL PRIDE. Jaggers (to Dr. Paresis)—" You know Dr. Kapsool, I suppose ?” Dr. Parests (coldly) —" He's no doctor, Why, sir, he advertises !” Joggers (halt an hour later, to Dr. Kapsool)—" By the way, doctor, Iwas talking to Dr. Molar yesterday, and "— Dr. Kapsool (interrupting)—" My dear Jaggers, will you tell me, please, why you dignify Molar with the title ‘doctor’? Don’t you know that he is nothing but a dentist ?” Jagyers (next day, to Dr. Molar)—" Now, this man on the next street, Dr. Powders "-— Dr. Molar (hastily)—""* Dr. Powders"! You surely don't mean to : apply the dignified prefix ‘doctor’ to an ordinary veterinary surgeon? You were surely joking, Jaggers (second day after, to Dr. Powders) —" Dr. Paresis was telling me the other day that this sort of weather "— Dr. Powders (with a deprecatory gesture)—" Don’t talk to me about Paresis! He's no doctor. Why, sir, if I had a yellow dog that was sick I wouldn't trust the case to him. He ought to be a butcher.”: Rerunicg 2 THOUGHT HE COULD HEAR IT. HE TOOK THEM IN TRADE. | Niece—" Here's your ear-trumpet, Uncle Canteer.”* See py are 7 ~idneeer ee Les pereera i " XON (the editor)—"* Wel tell you. The Screecham Pill Company ] Uncle Canteer-—"1 guess 1 won't take it to-night. I read in the savertised with us and we took it out in trade. T couldn't sell the pills, so have | Paper that the lecturer has been heard from Maine to California.” been trying to use them up myself.” ] comicbooks.com etl es ee