Judge — July 2, 1892 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FAVORS SUDDENLY STOPPED. Orerator (at High Hull, Chicago)—"* Sev- enty-hve cents, please.” Mr. Koitaxcr—" What! Don't you know that I'm president of this road and have all my messages franked?” ‘UrrxaToR—" You don't get this one with- out payin’.” ‘Mx. RotLaxce—" You're discharged, you rascal!" ‘Oreratore''No, [ ain't; you are. Th’ message says th’ New York directors have elected Mr. Smoots over your head.” NATURALLY. N INDEPENDENCE DAY I saw the races (The people came from east, south, west and north). 1 bet my gold—ah, saddest of all cases! My horse came in a very glorious fourth. HER USUAL CUSTOM. Mrs. Bleecker —" How do you expect to celebrate Independence day, Mrs. Laker?" Mrs. Laker (of Chicago)—"I expect to get a divorce, as usual.” HIS METHOD. Spatts—""How do you think the fourth of July ought to be celebrated, Grumm ?” Grumm—* With smokeless powder and noiseless pyrotechnics.”” “* This is the biggest fool gridiron I've ever struck. THE TRAINED CAR-HORSE. MR. DILLeNWACK (tho has chased the car)—"* V've a great mind to have you discharged for not stopping when I hailed you.” ‘Tite paiyer—" I didn’t see yez, sor.” jus' dropped de chop on it an’ de whole bottom burnt out.” NOT USED TO IT, Sne—"Your English friend seems to be dreadfully uneasy.” H—" Yes. He has on a suit of American clothes that fits him and it makes him uncom- fortable.”* HIS ENJOYMENT. ‘se YOU MUST wake me at the usual hour in the morning,” said Shattuck to his wife on the evening of the third of July. “You are not going to the office, are you?" “No; but I want to have the supreme satisfaction of rolling over and going to sleep again.” A NATURAL DECREASE. ‘HEY had nine children, and the worst Went out to celebrate ; And when they heard the cannon burst They knew they had but eight. UNDER FAVORABLE CIRCUM- STANCES. Mrs. Brown—"That poor woman was broken-hearted over the loss of her only son, who was blown up while firing off his can- non, She said she hoped he was in heaven.” Mrs. Malaprop—"1 guess he is, my dear, He got a good start.” Duiver (in a whisper @ the nigh horse)—"* Spat him, Billy.!” comicbooks.com