Judge — March 19, 1892 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE AT THE MINSTRELS. ‘+/M{8. SCHERMERHORN, was yo" up to de F Hill refrigerator convention at Albany?” “No, Mose. What makes you call it the re- frigerator convention?” “ Bekase it was packed in ice an’ de delegates b) was warranted to keep till warm wedder. Say, de twenty-second ob February will be a double-decker now.” Why, Mose?” “ Bekase one great man was born on dat day and anodder died, polically. Say, you know ‘bout 4 f dat hatchet ob George's ? au “Yes, Mose; of course.” “Well, de Cleveland men dug it up an’ hab vot kind ob a tree was it George cut down?” 5, got it on exhibition. Say, “Cherry, Mose; cherry. “Well, den, de joke is spoiled. Hill's was basswood.” “Well, then, let us all sing ‘On the gay toboggan-slide.’ A FELICITOUS PIECE OF “BUSINESS.” Playwright —"From the nature of my play you see it ought to close with some line or significant act from the hero in perfect accord with the feelings of an audience.” Why not let him heave a sigh of relief, then?” aoe MISCONSTRUCTION. Epi —"* Massa Charles, Massa Charles! I cain’t git dese spots outen dese pants dis morn’ nohow.”* MASSA CHARLES (sleepily)—"* Have you tried ammonia?” Eru—"'No, sah; not yet. dey ‘Il fit me.” But I knows HE WOULD TRY. 66 JOHNNY, dear,” said Mrs. Cumso to her son, “I don’t like the way you have of saying yep instead of yes. Now tell me; won't you honestly try to break yourself of it?” “Yep.” replied Johnny with deep sincerity. COMPLIMENTS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE UNPAID. Diggs—*Do you think I made a good impression on her?” Griggs —* Well, she said to me that you had some affectations, but that she liked you all the better for them.” Diggs—" That isn’t half bad.” Griggs —"In fact, she thought that without them you would be churlish.” THE IRISHMAN. HOUGH Erin is the queen For whom his heart has bled, Yet while he wears the green He likes to paint it red. OFFICIAL INEXACTITUDE. THE MISTAKE of a clerk sent an in- hocent man to the penitentiary for six months, and he had his head shaved and wore the stripes three weeks before the mistake was corrected. The remark- able part of this story is that the man isn’t there yet. si HE BROUGHT IT. EW. BARBER —"* Excuse, me, sir; have you got your mug here?” Mr. Mutuic roight in this chai me neck.” =" Vis; on top av Hi didn’t see me. GIVING PROOF. Say, there’s a fellow down there who says I'ma counterfeiter, and to prove that I ain't 1 want you to lend me a dollar.” SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. ‘THOSE who have means may make terms, while the beggar loseth his plea. A man's ability to make a piece of toast does not necessa- rily incapacitate him for more warlike duties. There are plenty of people willing to pay liberally at almost any time for the privilege of weeping comfortably. Thinking is a labor which few assume rashly. One has not only to present his ideas but to digest them as well. When one has bruised his hands with knocking against the iron door of fate and met with no response save the silence of the everlasting nay; when he has found every path barred to him and denial has met the prayer of every effort; when every way has been tried and the apathetic inertia of exhaustion begins to creep over him, then let him sit down, not in discouragement, but with the patience of endurance, assured that the final word ‘was never intended to be a negation. ST. PATRICK. WITH all our knowledge none can tell For sure just where his life began. What matters when we know full.well St. Patrick was a gentleman? KATHRINE GROSJRAM. * THE TROUBLE. Mrs, Trotter— Dr. Prosy is a very finished speaker, but his sermon seemed to lack point this morning.” Mr. Trotter—"That's just it; his sentences are too care- fully rounded off.” AND SO SHE DIDN'T SEE HIM. you attend the amateur performance the other night?’ Why. T took one of the principal parts. Tam surprised that you You were there, were you not?” —'*Oh, yes; but you didn’t come on until the second act, did you?” comicbooks.com