Judge, 1892-03-19 · page 4 of 18
Judge — March 19, 1892 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis: Judge Magazine Page (circa 1890s) ## "The People's Party and Cats" This political satire mocks the **Populist Party** (People's Party), which suffered electoral losses. The joke uses a absurd cat-collecting anecdote as metaphor: a man gathers 84 cats in a box expecting profit, but gets "four bushels of cat-hair, six gross of fiddle-strings"—worthless byproducts. The moral: the Populist Party crammed too many incompatible ideas into its platform ("too many ideas in one box"), resulting in chaos rather than coherent policy. ## "An Urban Girl's Ruralities" This sketch ridicules a city girl visiting a farm, ignorant of rural life. She mistakes the smoke-house (for curing meat) as a gentleman's smoking parlor, misunderstands cattle "chewing cud," and suspects well water is unsafe unless it comes from a brass spigot—implying urban pretension and disconnection from natural processes. Both pieces reflect Gilded Age satirical humor targeting political incompetence and urban/rural cultural divides.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE PEOPLE’S PARTY AND CATS. SS WELL,” said Argersinger to Bergmeir, “your people's party rather went to pieces last fall.” “It’s a great winter for furs, ain't it?” responded Bergmeir. “1 was speakin’ of the tumble your people's party took,” said Argersinger irately. “To be sure,” said Bergmeir, “and I attribute it to the closing of Behring sea and the consequent high price of sealskin.” “ What in blazes are you talkin’ about ?” asked Argersinger. ” Fur and cats,” said Bergmeir. “You see it was this way: Holback, a neighbor of mine, heard you could get a dollar each for black cat-skins. Gee whillikins! Cats ? Why you could gather them by moonlight off the back fence with a garden-rake. Millions in it, of course. So he had a big, tight box set up on a spring wagon and started out to gather cats. He had a slide door in the top of the box, and when a cat had been properly negotiated for it was slammed down through the door. Well, he gathered eighty-four cats the first day. Bonanza, wasn't it?” “I should smile,” said Argersinger. “But,” said Bergmeir thoughtfully, “ Holback had forgot the NEY'S WORTH. nature of a cat. When he unloaded at night he had four bushels, MR. StupBLe (of Spuedunk)—" Say, mister, will yer take these trowsers back ? e - They hev shrunk until the'r too short by one-half ! of cat-hair, six gross of fiddle-strings, and a robust experience. Too Sreinsurc—" Holy Mozes! Vat doz der jendleman vant? I ledt der banz go many cats in a box.” at halef brize ; dot koffers der shrunkage eggsagtly !" “ Well, but what in blazes has that got to do with your party?” asked Argersinger. AN URBAN GIRL’S RURALITIES. “Too many ideas in one box,” said Bergmeit. 4, +. woos. GHE WAS the impersonation 0° citified simplicity, and as she lounged in the hammock in the shady back-yard of the farm-house some one happened to refer to the “ smoke-house,” situated a short distance away. “Oh, what a nice idea!” she exclaimed. “1 suppose that is where the gentlemen retire to smoke after dinner—something like those detached kitchens in the south, you know.” Can it be that any other girl in the country does not know that it is in the “ smoke-house” that corn-cobs and hickory chips fumigate and turn to a golden brown the savory hams ? Unacquainted with the habits of ruminant quadrupeds, she had yet a vague knowledge that a cow was addicted to “chewing her cud” when she had nothing better to do. But she evidently thought the “cud” was some convenient ball of gristle, carried in the throat or jowl, tough and indigestible, and'so not to-be swallowed. Therefore, as soon as she saw a cow swallow that precious “cud” she gave acry of alarm and ran to the house to tell the news. It took some time and earnest explanation to convince her that a cow could raise a mouthful of hay or grass from one compartment of her stomach, masticate it and pass it back to another division of her domestic economy. When she first gazed down irito the deep, cool precincts of the ancient farm well and then more closely examined its product in the dripping oak bucket she still betrayed some suspicion as to the purity of the water. “ Do you really think it safe to drink this water coming right out of the ground?" Certainly.” “Well, perhaps " (taking a sip), “but it looks a little cleaner to have it come out of a bright brass spigot. We make the girl scour the spigot every day, so that the water will be absolutely pure and clean.” IN A BOWERY TONSORIAL PALACE. Customer—" What do you charge for a hair-cut?” * Ten cents.” All right ; but I'll only take a five-cent cut now, Cut her off hall way and I'll be around in a few weeks and take the other five cents’ worth.” YE LENTEN MAIDE. YE LENTEN maide, in black arrayed, Demurely walketh up ye aisle, Nor underneath her bonnet staide Seemeth there coquetrie or guile. With modest air ye book of prayer She giveth me, and smileth so, T'd lose ye collect full and fair, ‘Than her sweet aide to all forego. “ Have mercy, Lord" No other word Remaineth of ye service saide ; And that from rosy lips I heard, EQUIVOCATION. Oh, gentle-cruel Lenten maide! Mrs, Nicittowt—" John, you said you would be home at a quarter of twelve, and here it’s three o'clock," LIDDY ADAMS TURNER, Mx. Nicitowi—" We-ll (hic!) it's-all-right—is-n't-three-a-quarter-of (hic !) twelve?” comicbooks.com