Judge — March 5, 1892 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE VETERANS STILL ON DECK. ‘A, VHAS ist los mit Chili, dot she kick ub such a fuss? She pedder look a leedle oudt or she got in a muss. She dink she got a pignick mit our navy, ‘but she findt Some old paldheadet feterans—some off dot same oldt kindt Dot fights mit Sigel.‘ Shoulder arms,"" “File righd” undt ‘*Shtand at “Your left foot for- Load undt fire yoost as you blease”; “Trow out your chest,” ** Expandt your lungs,” mit a ‘knapsack roundt your neck, Ah, yes; vhe fights mit Sigel, undt you findt us shtill on deck. Down in dot var I shpoke apoudt my lecks berform dheir part, Bud now I findt in times off beace my stomjack got der shtart. Mit lager pier undt liver wurst I grow pig like some tanks ; I dink I hear der captain say, Take dot base-drum oudt der ranks,” Oh, ya; der barting off my hair comes way down on mine ears, Undt I aindt shtoop to tie my shoes in ofer twendy years For fear I shtandt me on my headt oder I proke my neck ; Bud uf you call for feterans you findt me shtill on deck. Mx. Brventy Joy (of Boston) —" You'll excuse me, bat I never saw a seven: deuce domino before. oblique,’ ‘ouch to der S Lanx HANK —"* That ain't a seven; it's a six. That other spot come from git " giginide iehd”; now how tin’ hit with a bullet when th’ tenderfoot I'was playin’ agin foun’ fault with my lay-out. vas'dot “* Uff any mans pulls down der flack yoost shoot him on der shpot"; “*Vhe vhas comin’, Fader Aprabam, five hundert millions more, Undt dots der kindt off hairpin dot I used to pen pefore. “Fire py blatoons,” “*Recofer_arms, “Sharge baynuts,” —‘* Double- quvi Aindt dot ni-i-ce? Py Chiminy! I aindt forgot dot trick. Pring on your peans undt hard-tack. I could leafe my pier undt shpeck Undt go undt fight mit Sigel, undt you findt me sutil on ck ‘AT. WORDEN, HARD TO PRESCRIBE. Altendant —" The living skeleton iis sick.” Manager —"Great_ heavens! ‘What ails him ?’ Attendant —“ He's got a pain, but he’s so thin the doctors don't know whether it's cramps or back-ache.” Tirep Wooncuuck (guietly) —" The great chief of the Shoshones has been swiping the agency whisky again. — Prosit !” THE SICK IRISHMAN. AN IRISHMAN was painting a house green when the paint-pot fell to the sidewalk. A woman chanced. by. “Mercy! what's the matter?” she exclaimed. And the small boy standing near shouted, “That Irishman up there has just had a hemorrhage.” VICE VERSA! A FARMER called on friends in town, ‘They took him for an ass ; And as he went to bed they cried, “Say, don’t blow out the gas !” So, when those friends returned his call, Their poor health to revamp, He called to them as they retired, “Say, don’t turn out the lamp !” ALEX. Ml, LAIDLAW, JR. THE HEIGHT OF BLISS. Hojack —" Did Tom look happy when he stood up to be married?” CAUSED BY THE FOG. [8 Lonpon. "Was it George or Harry who called at the house last night, Emily?” “I don’t know, mother.” “ Why, some one called.” “Yes, mother, but to-day it is so foggy that I really can’t tell one man from another.” EVERY MAN COUNTS. ]\ A Minnesota backwoods town, Leader of the mob—" Have you anything to say why you should not be hanged for your crime?” Victim —" Yes, sit; this is presi- dential year and I'm a Cleveland man.” Leader of the mob—"Take him down, boys, He's too valuable a man to lose.” 1—THAT ANGEL CHILD. Tomdik —“ Yes; he couldn't have oe ATy ANGELA CHILDS soi that this ite boy doing? Ts be repairing his father’s looked happier if he had been ‘next’ in eats ee Tenee anes ‘window? a crowded barber-shop.” the bow and not repairing it. comicbooks/com