Judge — March 5, 1892 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE HER FIRST CAKE. She MEASURED out the butter with a very solemn air; The milk and sugar also; and she took the greatest care To count the eggs correctly and to add a little bit - Of baking-powder, which, you know, begin ners oft omit. Se Then she stirred it all together and she baked SS it full an hour; .. But she never quite forgave herself for leav- ing out the flour. x. svivasTan. SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. ‘THE truthfully exact will make sparing use of positive assertion. It is not always an easy matter to work out one’s own salvation on a hint. People are in the best humor with those who say the pleasantest things to them. There is hardly a statement to be made which would not bear a qualifying phrase. Nothing so strengthens belief or principle as the necessity of re-enforcing it against opposition. One cannot move in this world without being suspected of an attempt to slip a dollar into his pocket. There is a spiritual loftiness which strikes an equal balance with any fan- cied or possible discrepancy in inches. If one’s ambition is to make his conversation spicy and entertaining let him select a dainty subject and dissect his friends. KATIOINE GROSSRAN. TEMPORA MUTANTER. | PLEADED with her more than once, Sweet Hester, for her love a-suing ; But then she called me dolt and dunce. Ah, her replies were my undoing. At least I thought so years ago; But now I'm happily wed and Cupid Has never come to her, and so I don’t appear one-half so stupid. NATHAN M. LEVY. HEREDITARY PHENOMENA, Ské—" Hasn't that Mrs. Markham a lovely complexion ? He—"Yes.” She—" She gets it from her moth- er, who was a great beauty.” He—‘1am most attracted, how- ever, by her figure.” She—"Yes; she got that from her late husband.” LUCKY MAN. s+ LJOW are taxes up your way?" “Elegant. Way up.” “How much do you pay?” “ Not a cent.” Exempt?” “No. Busted.” ANXIOUS TIMES. Mother —“What makes you so nervous, Charley, dea Charley—"V've had two proposals of mar- riage, and I really don’t UNLIMITED SPECIMENS, Tramp (o geologist) —"* Sir, I have on hand spec'mens of ther soil of every state in ther union.” NOT HIS FAULT. Cara — "I shouldn't think you would look at Mr. Mackinham. Just was when he was engaged to yo HIS EARLY AIM. septs FUNNY to see what a fine shot Drewer is to-day. Why, when he was a boy he couldn't hit a barn-door.” “He couldn't? Well, that is sur- prising.” “Not at all) There weren't any barns around where he lived.” “THE JUDGMENT OF PARIS.” SHE gave the boy an apple— And she was one of three— And said, *' Give this to her of us Most beautiful to thee.” The boy gazed at each lovely elf— Then ate the apple up himself. em THE ONLY GAME HE GOT. Bloobumper —" Have you been hunting, Spatts ?” Spatts — Yes.” Bloobumper — Bag anything ?” Spatts —“ Only my trousers.” know whether to accept A SPRING*(BED) HAPPENING. Clara with her brains or Hice Sretetinnee Ve . a ERR SPIELBURGHER —"' Vot noise ish dot, Fritzy? I t'inks Ethel with her money.” —_it mighd pe purglars !$— u —I vill joost chump up unt see.’ comicbooks.com