Judge, 1892-02-13 · page 7 of 16
Judge — February 13, 1892 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains humor sketches typical of late 19th-century American satire. **"Their Valentines"** depicts two young women, Mildred and Blanche, discussing Valentine's Day gifts. The joke hinges on class anxiety and romantic competition: Mildred received expensive, elaborate valentines (ten dollars, hand-painted cards) and assumes they're from admirers, while Blanche received a modest card—apparently from Ralph Bond, signed with his name. Mildred is secretly in love with Ralph, so she attempts to dismiss his gesture as mere "charity," implying Ralph sent it out of pity rather than affection. Blanche's final comment—that Ralph actually *signed his name* on the valentine (unusual and forward)—suggests genuine romantic interest, frustrating Mildred's self-deception. **Lower sketches** appear to be unrelated comic vignettes: "The White Squadron of Evolution" (unclear context), "The Jilt" (rejected lover), "Two Letters" (brief exchanges), "A Queer Grip" (con artists with diamonds), and "At Three A.M." (domestic chaos). The humor relies on recognizable social scenarios about courtship, jealousy, and class pretension.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE THEIR VALENTINES. ILDRED (meeting Blanche) —“Oh, I'm so glad to see you! It’s ages since we met!” Blanche —" \t's eternities !” (They kiss.) Mildred —"1 want to tell you about my valentines. I got some perfectly lovely ones. Did you get any?” Blanche—"Only one. Very few people think about poor little me.” Mildred —* Well, first I got an elegant arrangement of flowers and birds and such things, and I'm pretty sure it was Bob Dickson who sent it. It cost ten dollars if it cost a cent.” Blanche —" How nice! You must show it to me when I come up.” Mildred —" Certainly. Then I got an exquisite hand-painted dove on a lovely card, and the most utterly agonizing love-verses you ever read. I won't tell you who sent that. You can guess.” ‘ Blanche —“1'm sure I never could. You have so many admirers who are deeply in love with you.” Mildred —“ Thanks, awfully! Then I got four or five others that didn’t cost so much, but which are very pretty. You must tell me about yours.” Blanche —“ Well, mine wasn't very elaborate or costly, but I appreciate it, for I get so few.” Mildred —' Have you any idea who sent it?” Blanche —"\ think it was Ralph Bond.” Mildred (who cherishes an unreturned affection for young Bond)—" Indeed ! Are you sure he sent it? Blanche (who knows the state of Mildred’s heart)—“ I am reasonably sure, for I have seen his.handwriting several times.” Mildred —* Well, Ralph is a dear, good boy. He is so con- siderate, you know. He takes great pleasure in works of char- ity, and I suppose he sent you that valentine out of sheer good nature, knowing you would re- ceive but few or perhaps none.” Blanche (meekly) —" Yes, 1 suppose so.” Mildred— But what makes you so sure that it came from him? Men's handwritings look a great deal alike, you know.” Blanche (maliciously) — “But this had his name signed to it.” Mildred —“ Why, that was remarkable.” Blanche — Yes, a trifle odd fora valentine, but I liked it better that way, The sentiment was different from that on most valentines too, It just said— Mrs. SLomAcK —‘* Do be careful; Hiram AT THREE A.M. Mr. SLOBACK (who has put on the first thing that came handy) —‘* Madam, Evoluting in Georgia. “My dearest Blanche: THE WHITE SQUADRON OF EVOLUTION, 1 love you. Will you accept me for your husband and your valen- tine?" Mildred (coldly) —“ Well, accept congratulations. I must go now, for I have ever so many things to do this afternoon.” wa, at, sivereR, THE JILT. JUST now, if she has proved unkind, There's nothing to prevent one From showing her his love was blind By sending her a cent one. TWO LETTERS. He to her —“ Yes?” what does a man who led the forlorn hope at Gaines's Mill care for a paltry burglar 7” A “QUEER” GRIP. Bunco Wappitove —"' There's prob’bly th’ finest c’lection of diamonds you ever see, an’ I'll sell 'm fer a song. Jest look at 'm close.” Me, Hayrick —Help! murder!" Jack. She to him —" Ditto.” May. comicbooks/com