Judge — February 13, 1892 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEEKLY. W. J. Arcane. Branwano Gittaw 1. M. Grecony, Editor. TERMS TO SUBSCRILERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE ‘One copy, one year. or sa numbers - $5.00 ‘One copy, six months, of 26 numbers - 2.0 One copy: for 13 weeks = ws = Including the Cumistsas JUpce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS— Teall for ‘ign countries in the postal union, THE JuDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupcE BUILDING), Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th Street, New York. 97" We guarantee advertisers a cal paper reer circulation than any other American satirt- for sate at Bren wy at 15 King th Eschange, Mains, Germany, and by C Cable address—* JuvGeank.” Paris: by the American London; at Saarbach's 2, et iam street, Strand, BA CRISP THINKS he is as mad as Mills is, but that’s quite impossible. T 1S THOUGHT that Brother Harrison always has his eye out for the Maine chance. [UNCLE SAM to Chili Take your choice of blood and wine, but you must be my valentine.” T° MR. SHEEHAN—Can't you see, my son, that Thomas Reed is not half so much a czar as he was? ONE OF OUR evening dailies is so fe- rocious that one suspects it is edited by Jack-the-slasher. . eee ECIPROCITY by Saint Valentine— ‘Take my heart or take my hate, this the hour and this the date. ord RUPYARD KIPLING is married. Pres- ently he will have a larger fam— But that is another story. MB. CLEVELAND, aiming his gun— “1 do not want to hit that animal, but if I do I shall accept him.” . a A man ought to be willing to the medicine he wants to force into somebody else. ENGLAND as a mediator in the Chili business suggests Robert E. Lee as a peace commissioner appointed by Stone- wall Jackson. KINS will make a good-enough Ith officer; and, while the idea tartling, we dare say Smith has had the place long enough. he : be Exnenp ma a lefd. THE LION at Washington is said to be Senator Hill, and we suspect that Bourke Cockran and Tim Campbell are the rest of the menagerie. H. MAYNARD has no favors to ask of the ordinary people. He gets his defeats at the ballot-box, and his rewards are furnished by ap- pointment. FATHER HOLM: talked of, “No, take up a collection. N remarks firmly, whenever an appropriation is ! On the contrary, we shall immediately begin to THERE IS A LEAGUE to secure uniform divorce laws. This means red tape and postponement of a reform that congress ought to ac- complish in forty days. E DO NOT learn that Senator Hill has indorsed the /fera/d's nomi- nation of Henry Watterson for president, but perhaps the letter to that effect has been lost in the mails, ATULATIONS to Mr. Quay; and next time the Beaver Sfar and the Pittsburg Post will know enough to charge him with some- thing of which he is known to be guilty. ON JUDGE WRONG ON THE FACE OF IT. Exnexproti —"' Holt shdill a minute, Naomi.” Mrs. Exsenprovi—"* V [rub him on dot face-powder to maig him red unt den I go me back unt busd det bank.” THE PAPER which labels itself Braéns thus tries to fil a long-felt want in its peculiar’ head-piece ; but is it well to always begin its weekly talk to itself and its proof-reader with such a brazen falsehood? COLO IS ASSUMED by the Chicago News that Foraker has yawped his final yawp. Has the News forgotten the mule told of by Josh Billings that lived three days six feet under water by breathing through his ears? eee GENERAL ALGER wants to send a peace commissioner and a hymn-book to Chili, It reminds one of the good man who put up his dukes in response to a slap in the face and remarked gently, “Let us unite in prayer.” [* see OSEPH P. BRADLEY will live in political literature as “Aliunde Joe, the man whose vote put R. B, Hayes in the presidential chair. We trust there was no rupture when his spirit encountered that of Mr. Tilden, but Uncle Sammy never condoned it. GNASHING TEETH IS WASTE OF TIME. OGER QUEER MILLS in repudiating Cleveland and refusing to serve as chairman or member of committees is undoubtedly “mad” —mad enough to be sent into. retirement as a bad man or a lunatic. Has it occurred to him that, however his departure from Cleveland is con- cerned, his duty as a representative is to do something to earn his salary? And if he doesn’t want to do it that he ought to resign in behalf of some- body who does? A LITTLE HISTORY. NGLAND was back of France in the invasion of Mexico by Maximilian. England 1s back of Chili in the existing unpleasantness, notwithstanding her offer of mediation. It may possibly be remem- bered that Maximilian was shot, and Louis Napoleon, whipped by Germany, died an exile on English soil. England and Aus- tria furnished the funds for the experiment in Mexico, and France took.the shame. There is not enough of Chili to take the spanking or do the bleeding and blushing. UNCLE SAM’S PARSIMONY. A SPEECH by Mr. E. C. Brown of the United States Mail, made’ before a national convention of fourth-class post- masters, shows that there are sixty thou- sand of these officials and that the average of the yearly pay for their services is less than one hundred dollars per office. Mr. Brice in the senate and Mr. Cummings in the house have introduced a bill for their relief, and national pride, if not national justice, should secure its passage. The people pay for the postal service, and if it is not entirely self-sustaining they are will- ing to make up the difference. PRAYERS TO CUT-THROATS. THE PRESS of the Democratic party would prefer national dishonor to a war with Chili because one result would be the election of a Republican president this year. In 186 it opposed the defense of the union because that would break up its party in the south, and it didn’t elect a president during the succeeding twenty-four years. A couple of weeks ago it began the old copperhead double-leaded editorials in behalf of peace at any price, after the manner of the colored man who had had his face slapped and found his head in a cuspidore. ‘Say, Sam!" re marked that humiliated person, “can’t we compromise dis mattah ?” Yat you do?" Vhef only one white chip THE NEXT NATIONAL CALAMITY. WHEN NEW YORK wants anything it is a pretty safe conclusion that some western town will get it, probably Chicago. The world’s- fair city will have the Democratic convention next June, and any other little thing worth having that turns up meanwhile. The selection was managed by Scnator Hill, who didn’t want local dissension in the chief city of the territory in his possession, preferring that the larger fighting be done on unharmonious ground, And it looks more and more as if the senator were to be the party for defeat at the next national election, Mr. Cleveland being sadly handicapped by the support of the mugwumps. comicbooks.com