Judge, 1892-01-02 · page 6 of 18
Judge — January 2, 1892 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page of satirical humor from Judge magazine (likely early 1900s) contains multiple short comedic pieces typical of the era: **"Sure Success This Time"** mocks incompetent hunting, with an Irish servant ("shprinkler," "shatter") reassuring his employer the gun now works better—yet they'll likely still fail to kill anything substantial. **"Poor, Dear Man!"** jokes about marital discord; Mrs. Hogan's husband injured his back trying to throw her out a window—dark domestic violence presented as comedy. **"The Day's Sport Spoiled"** depicts two Black men (rendered in period dialect) fishing, where one's bait got eaten by a dog instead of fish, spoiling the outing. This reflects the casual racism common in period publications. **"My New-Year's Resolves"** is a humorous poem about self-improvement—avoiding singing badly, loud clothes, exaggeration, boring friends with baby stories, sitting awkwardly on cable cars, and swearing off swearing off. **"Mighty Particular"** features a customer complaining a barkeeper's quart measure is undersized—suggesting he's being cheated on liquor purchases. The page emphasizes class-based humor, ethnic caricature, and domestic/social observation typical of Gilded Age American satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Slam es SURE SUCCESS THIS TIME. Crrmsitaw (at Asheville) —" Ts that the same gun I had yesterday Mk OWNER —" ve put th’ shprinkler av th’ wate ton s, sor; an’ pot Il sheatter th’ shot betther for yez. Yez might kill a bir-rd t’-day, sor." POOR, DEAR MAN! Mrs. Grocan —‘‘An’ is ‘t th’ roomatics thot's ailin’ Hogan?” Mrs, HocaN—"No. He shpraint his back lasht avenin’ tryin’ t' row me out th’ windy; poor, dear man!" SHE INTENDED TO. P a stiff upper lip,” said Miss Bleecker to her friend Miss Emer- son of Boston, * replied the latter; “I intend to maintain a superior labial A WORD IN SEASON. [PS well to know just now, when New.year calling Is with us once again with all its “balling ‘That if in mixing drinks you are particular You'll very seldom lose your perpendicular. A SENSIBLE RELUCTANCE. DeGarry —\'m afraid you are only trying to be cynical when you say that all girls are mercenary.” Merritt—"\ don’t think so, The only present I ever made a girl that she didn’t want to keep was a diary.” STALE NEWS. Mr. Halfcentury —" The newspapers must be hard up for news.”” Mrs. Halfcentury —* Why so?" Mr. Halfcentury —* Vere’s an item that the oldest man in New York staté died last week, and the oldest man in New York state died when I wasn't more than sixteen.” THE DAY'S SPORT SPOIL Mr. Wenster—"* Yo! looks kinder down-casted, yo" ketch no fishes ?* Mr. CaLuoun —"* Nope; didn’ hab no charnce t’ try. a dawg done eat up all mah wu'ms when I wuz fixin’ maby Mlistah Calhoun, Didn’ Dat Jay Goold ob ne, MY NEW-YEAR’S RESOLVES. [EL never more attempt to sing the songs T do not know; About myself and what I've done now will I cease to blow. Tl wear no trousers loud enough to mar the town’s repose ; My neckties too shall harmonize with all my other clothes. I ne'er will smoke a cigarette, nor yet a two-for-five, And I won't swap fishing-stories with any man ali T never will exaggerate the weight of fish I catch, And as Iam a married man no more I'll try to mash, T'll bore my friends no longer with my babe's last smart remark ; T'll not remain from home again till eight hours after dark, My favorite joke I'll tell no more than fifteen times a day, And whiskered chestnuts all shall be with care now stowed away. No more will I sit bias in a crowded cable car ; I won't invite another man to stand up to the bar. T won't attempt this year of grace a diary to keep, Nor will I spend my Sabbath morns in church-neglecting sleep. All these habits that I've mentioned I am resolved to doff, And if I fail to do it then—I'll swear off swearing off. WILLIAM HENRY SIVITER, MIGHTY PARTICULAR. Customer (who has just asked to have his quart bottle filled)—" Say, Bungs, I ain't no kicker, ye know ; but don’t yer think it's about time to take that quart measure o' yourn to a hatter an’ have it ironed?”